I don’t know what happened.
My entire life, I’ve been known as someone who, while at times shy or reticent, has also been very wordy.
I talk a lot.
I have a lot of opinions on a myriad of subjects. I’m never without some abstract or even ironically stupid thoughts popping into my head as I travel through life. I’ve always put my thoughts, strange and not so strange, down into the written form. I enjoy turning words into pictures in someone else’s head. I love debate. I love the clever turn of a phrase in order to get a point or humor across. I’ve always held the strong opinion that the written word is quickly becoming a lost art.
In short, I love to play with my words.
Then, a year or so ago, I just stopped. No, I didn’t stop thinking or having opinions, but the desire or fire to put it all down for posterity’s sake (read: for my own sake) came to a screeching halt. I’d think of something that would spark my imagination and even compose an opening paragraph that would make Shakespeare proud in my head, then would never get around to composing even a single sentence in written form.
Instead, I’ve been wadding my ideas, opinions, hopes and dreams into a virtual paper ball and throwing them in the figurative trash can of my mind.
I let the weight of the world and chaos of day-to-day life intrude on the creative side of my personality. Nothing earth shattering really happened, although if you heard my hissy fits at times, you might assume differently. I AM a Southern female and a perhaps a tad feisty at times. After all, we can be prone to a having a canniption or two along the way as part of the Southern belle persona. With the changes in the world the past two years, the uncertainty we’ve all been touched by, it’s no wonder that we all have felt some sort of pressure or lack of inspiration. Some days are dominated merely by the oppressive feel of the atmosphere and other attitudes that surround us as we travel through our life.
I’ve come to realize that just when I start to think I’m finally reaching a point in my life where I’m more settled in my own skin, that’s when life throws us another curve as if to say, “oh no, don’t you get too comfortable..you’re not even close to what you’re going to end up as”. When life decided to throw me back into humility, did I decide to take full advantage of the extra, rich opportunities for fresh inspiration being tossed my way? Of course not. I simply stopped and spun my wheels in neutral as far as my writing went. I let my outlet for expressing myself in an unfettered way come to a halt.
I’m under no illusion that anything I put into words is likely to change the world. I write for myself, then if anything I manage to put in coherent form makes someone else stop and think, all the better. One thing I’ve realized is, as life’s journey continues, it’s essential to continue to move forward, adapt and keep your options open.
So, I’m dipping my toe back into the proverbial water…slowly. For me.
Heaven help us all!