Posts from the ‘Dysfunction’ Category

To Whatever Liberals, Progressives, & Obama Supporters It May Apply, I Want a Divorce

 

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: 

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of  America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.

 

In anticipation of such an action, here is a model separation agreement: 

 

Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. 

 

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

 

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street…. You can have your beloved  homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and  Hollywood .  

 

You can make nice with  Iran and  Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.

 

When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

 

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. 

 

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every  Volkswagen you can find.  

 

We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.  

 

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

 

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you  which one of us will need the others help in 15 years.   

 

 Sincerely,  

 John J. WallLaw Student and an American  

 

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

 

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The Congressional Spending Psalm

I have been watching the maneuvering in Washington for the past 6 months with varying degrees of disgust and quite frankly, anger.  I was willing to give the new administration a fair chance, but simply cannot any longer pretend that I agree with the increasingly inept and irresponsible actions being wrought by our government. 

In the spirit of full disclosure, I did not vote for Mr. Obama and as time goes by, have only had my choice to not endorse the socialization of our country, validated and proved to be correct.

If the overly ambitious, ill-planned and dangerously expensive proposals winding their way through the legislature manage to get approved by Congress, our country and way of life are in severe and immediate danger of disappearing before our very eyes. 

In a ray of hope, the outcry from the public via rapidly falling approval rates for Mr. Obama’s “agenda” are starting to seep into politician’s consciousness as they realize they have to face angry constituents and mid-term elections next year.

So, I watch and make my opinions known to those that we have elected to “represent” us.  There is no hope of stopping some of this madness if we all, as a nation, sit back and are quiet.  There will be no second chance to save our country from this madness and ruin that is charging like an out of control freight train on the horizon, threatening to run us all over.

The following passage has been circulating online.  No other words are necessary.

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Psalm

 

The Congress of the United States is on a spending spree that is astronomical and obscene.


They are putting us in a financial hole we may never get out of.
Our current National Debt is increasing at a rate of one million dollars every ten seconds.

We are squandering our wealth.
We can’t keep spending money we don’t have.
History will likely say this country lived it up –
oblivious and self-indulgent to the bitter end!” 

–Gary Marchinke 

 

 

THE CONGRE$$IONAL
$PENDING P$ALM

 

Big government is our shepherd;
the bigger it gets the more we lack.

Congress makes us to lie down and drown in red ink.

They lead us into national bankruptcy.

They restore our dependency on the welfare state.

Congress leads us into the path of unfunded entitlements, for their name’s sake.

Yea, though we slouch through the valley of the shadow of financial disaster,

We will fear no evil, for billion dollars bailouts and million dollar bonuses are with us.

Their pork and waste confound us.

Congress prepares a table before us full of deficit spending and trillions of dollars of debt.

They fill our heads with campaign promises.

Their deception and corruption runs over.

Surely, higher taxes and runaway spending will follow us all the days of our lives,


and future generations will dwell in the house of poverty, forever!

  

 

SpendingPsalm.com 

You Are Cordially Invited to a Tea Party

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There is an interesting phenomenon going on throughout our country today.  In ways not seen on this scale since the war protests of the 70’s, people are showing our government that they are fed up.  Americans young and old are sending the message loud and clear that we are tapped out as a nation and weary of yet more restrictions, bail-outs and tax burdens being heaped upon our shoulders and those of our future generations.

It is not a partisan effort, despite what the ultra-left wing branch of the Democratic party would lead you to believe.  There are Republicans, Democrats and Independents alike participating in this show of outrage and frustration.  We are exercising our Constitutional rights as Americans, whatever our political affiliations might be, to assembly and free speech.  We are, as a people, sending a message that while we respect the office of the President, many of us grow increasingly unhappy with the direction the country is being guided or shoved down a path we do not want.

So, today we protest our frustration and convey our disagreement with policies and new taxes and programs that it are being presented as what “we” want.  I for one, am tired of being told what is good for me and to just shut up, sit back and agree with those that do NOT represent my views, despite what they seem to believe.  I’m angry with the bail-outs that were passed “for our own good” even though the public outrage and opinion showed that Americans were soundly against their passage.

Washington and those currently in office better pay attention to what is being expressed by the people that have elected them as our representatives.  If they are smart, they will not put spin on it or tell us once again what they think we meant to say rather than listening to what we are actually SAYING to them.  This is a warning shot for those coming up for re-election that we the people, are paying attention and are discontented with their actions and disregard for what we think.

So, exercise your right to be heard.  Even if you believe no one is listening, it is a sure bet that you won’t be heard if you don’t even try.  In the past few election cycles it has vividly been shown that even a few individual votes do indeed count.  If you choose to sit on your backside, then don’t complain when you are not “bailed out” like the major corporations or fall through the cracks when you thought you’d be saved from your responsibilities and allowed a free pass.

Wake up and smell the tea brewing! 

Washington, you are not doing a good job at hearing the people you represent and that elected you.  This is not just a fluke or something that will go away if you put your fingers in your collective ears and cover your eyes.  To even give the impression, whether accurate or not, that the views of your constituents are falling on deaf ears would be a mistake if you wish to continue to serve the people that elected you.  Change is indeed brewing in this country, although I’m not sure that it’s quite the change the current administration envisioned.  I beg you, do not make the mistake of dismissing or alienating what is becoming a larger and larger section of the American people clammering to be heard..

On another little, purely personal note, I know that the original Tea Party was located in Boston in 1773.  However, we in the South know the TRUE value of tea.  Look in any refrigerator in a true Southern household, and you will find a gallon or two (or four) of the best SWEET tea that you’ll ever taste.  I know that the Yankees amongst us (hear that oh stoic one?), don’t recognize the simple indulgent pleasure in a glass of sweet tea and insist that having sugar on the table will somehow negate the fact that your restaurants don’t have it available on your menus up North.  You just don’t know what you’re missing.  Perhaps it’s why Southerners always have a smile on their face and something to say to everyone, even making actual eye contact as we do!!  We’re just infused with sweetness from birth through our tea! 😉

So, today in Atlanta, our tea party will have sweet tea flowing freely and our voices as proud Americans will be heard loud and clear.  The only question is, will those in Washington be smart enough to pay attention and react by rethinking some of their proposed actions?

Time will tell.  One thing is certain, ignoring it or making light of such a large group of Americans discontent would be foolish and ill-advised on their part.

 

“We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.”  Thomas Jefferson

 

**The DHS bulletin released or “conveniently leaked” on April 7th is troubling in the fact that it seems to be a not so subtle hint that our freedom of speech is being threatened at least by threat of intimidation and at worst incrimination.  We all need to pay attention and be vigilant of such veiled threats against our freedoms.

Only the Good Die Young? 99 and 44/100% Pure

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I imagine it depends on what your definition of  what “good” is. 

A little bit of American history died yesterday, but we found out about it today.  She was famous, or more accurately INFAMOUS, for all the “accomplishments” she managed to RACK up during her lifetime.  She literally made it HARD for anyone to not know her name.  When she was good, she was very GOOD in so many bad ways, so I guess that Billy Joel’s theory of dying young is TECHNICALLY correct as to how good one is at execution if you want to put the right spin (or torque) on things. 

Marilyn Chambers was found dead at her home on Sunday, April 12th, at the age of 56 by her daughter.  I didn’t see any cause of death as of yet, although I’m sure many rumors will be bandied about.  Whatever your feelings about erotica or in her case, plain ole in your face porn, you were probably at least aware of her name or contribution to the age of free love throughout the 70’s and 80’s.

Chambers was best known for her role in Behind the Green Door,a film which premiered in 1972 to a standing ovation at the Cannes Film Festival.  Although she attempted a more normal career in Hollywood, it was not to be.  She found her niche in being naughty and took full advantage of her talent and ass-ets to titillate a generation.

A few facts about Ms. Chambers that you might not know..(pay attention, you never can tell when you’ll need such important knowledge to win a rabid round of Trivial Pursuit, the Porn Edition!)

  • Marilyn was born in Westport, Connecticut in 1952 (just goes to show that you can overcum stoic genes.  She grew up amongst stiff upper lips, then proceeded to make other things stiff her entire life)
  • Her first modeling job was as the mother cradling the innocent baby on the Ivory Snow box with the slogan of being the “99 and 44/100% pure” girl.  She should have gone for that last .66 percent since she was dropped from the campaign once her other “talents” came to light. (Hmmm..could that be where the definition of “slapping and tickin’ the Ivories” came from?)
  • Ms. Chambers appeared in 27 films (ummmm…movies?  I don’t think she was ever nominated by the Academy for an award, although I’m sure she serviced a few of the members)
  • Marilyn was a very patriotic girl.  In 2004 United States Presidential election Chambers ran for Vice President on the Personal Choice Party ticket, a quasi-libertarian party. She received a total of 946 votes. In the 2008 United States presidential election she was again Charles Jay’s running mate, albeit a write in candidate this time.  Hey, she was very interested in servicing her country…the whole country…literally!!!
  • In the film Behind the Green Door, Chambers had sex with the well-endowed African-American actor Johnny Keyes. She also fainted at the end of one scene lasting over 45 minutes. The porn industry and viewing public were shocked by the then-taboo spectacle of a white woman having sex with a black man. (Chambers’ parents refused to talk to her for several years after the film’s release, but eventually reconciled with her).  
  • To make her parents just a little bit more proud, she was supposedly one of the few actresses that could fully deepthroat John Holmes’ erect penis.  Isn’t that what every Mom and Dad hope their daughter will grow up and have listed on her list of accomplishments??  (I wonder what they had on their refrigerator to commemorate her talents??)
  • She was married three times and had one daughter.
  • She was reputedly one of the first porn actresses to have her genitals pierced. (ouchie)

So, in a era of free love, Farrah Fawcett posters and Playboy bunnies parading around the mansion and pages of the magazine, Marilyn Chambers managed to be a stand-out among her peers.  To say she was an American icon, even one of irreputable fame, is accurate.  She helped to shape some of our formative years right along with more “mainstream” actresses such as Diane Keaton in Looking for Mr. Goodbar.  While her contributions were never considered art, they were un-apologetically a commentary of the sexual revolution in our country.

Like her or disapprove of her career or behavior, if you are a baby boomer, you either knew of her or some even learned a few of their current “love” moves from watching her performances.  She will forever GO DOWN in history as someone that shaped a generation, in ways large and small.

Come Play With Me

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I love to play…

with words. (What did you THINK I was going to say?? I don’t kiss and tell! Well, not the details anyway…but I digress.

Okay, back to the subject at hand. Anyone that really knows me, as well as every student I’ve ever had from kindergarten through high school, has heard me speak often and passionately about the art of using language well. I’ve always had a love affair with words, both in written form and the spoken variety of communication. I firmly believe that if you have a good command of language that the world is yours. I believe it opens doors for you that might otherwise be left closed. I KNOW for sure, the way you present yourself through the way you speak…whether to possible employers, friends or potential lovers, often times makes a huge difference in your life or the paths you end up traveling.

I will admit to being “somewhat” of a grammar snob. I’m not sure if it’s the teacher in me, or if I became a teacher to try to improve my little corner of the world where I can…but I will often look at the way someone communicates before I let them too close to me. The constant misuse of words or misspelling of things like “there” and “their” or “your” and “you’re” drives me absolutely nuts. I realize that no one has perfect grammar, even me (stop laughing!! I’m perfect in other areas!)…but if someone obviously takes no care in how they express themselves, I know myself and know that either consciously or unconsciously, I’ll end up distancing myself from them so I don’t start correcting them. (which I still do on occasion when I just can’t stand it anymore)

Beyond that, if you have an interesting vocabulary, it’s just plain sexy. The “art” of flirting is slowly dying. No one takes the time anymore to practice verbal seduction or to use double entrendres that are meant to convey more than one meaning in conversations, either casually or with a more intense intent. Everything seems to be rapidly moving to the obvious, in-your-face type of communication, that frankly tends to leave me cold. Now granted, there ARE times when graphic, raw words are hot…times when they can and are used to enhance situations or to heighten the senses. I too, like to employ those words and phrases. They are not however, over-used in my world. When I utter something in this manner, it’s because I mean business…because they drive the point (so to speak) home with great gusto.

Word play. Some words have texture.  They convey depth just from their mere use. I have so many favorite words. I love to write. I compose everything from love letters, to short stories, to erotic tales. I find great pleasure in putting words together in a way that paints a picture in another person’s imagination when they read them. There are some words that are innocent enough on their surface, but when used can bring to mind images of much more.

You can write that you are  “eating a strawberry”…or instead, you can be about to “savor a succulent, ruby red, ripe strawberry dripping with juice”. (I love the word “succulent”) Some words are so rich and full of potential. They can bring more than one thing to mind when used. You can be “interested” in someone, or “immersed” in them. You can “think” about someone all the time, or instead, you’re “consumed” by the mere thought of them. The difference in what comes to mind is amazing depending on the word or phrases used. The meaning can still be totally innocent, but the possibility of more is there. It makes the mind wander or wonder. It engages the soul and captures the attention of whomever it’s directed at.

Learn to play with your words (ummmm…extra hint here…playing with your food can make for some pretty lively communication too, especially when naked, but that is a subject for another day). Make your conversations interesting. Practice the lost skills of seduction and flirting. If nothing else…try to learn a new word every few days that you can work into a conversation. Use these new skills not only with lovers or partners, but with friends or people at work. You’ll find that people start to look at you differently. Stretch your language skills. Take a few chances…pay attention to your grammar or the way you express yourself.

You might just be surprised at the changes that come your way or in the people that start to pay attention to you that might not have before. If nothing else, you might just have some fun along the way. Employ the flirting in the bedroom or over a romantic dinner.

In the new age of online interactions, don’t be so ridiculously obvious. Don’t come (cum) up to a total stranger online or on a dating site flashing all your goodies (or in the case of many of you, your shortcomings or goods WAY past their expiration date) with an accompanyingoh, so attractive offer of…Wanna F*CK?? Trust me, anyone that takes you up on that right off the bat, is either desperate or challenged in some way. Take a little time, “try” to act as if you might be interested in more than seeing their tits or penis…you never know, you just may find something special. Everything doesn’t have to be serious, but you don’t have to treat potential “conquests” as trivial, disposable objects either. By all means, do NOT lie, but at the same time…don’t be a goober or an insensitive bore either. Learn to use your WORDS!

So boys and girls, go ahead and play amongst yourselves. Whisper something sweet and suggestive either figuratively in prose or by way of the spoken word. Lean in close and take a chance with a well placed clever hint or amusing play on words. Be a rebel. Dare to be intriguing and beguiling. Practice your skill, hone your talent…tantalize and tease…tempt and be tempestuous. Learn how to leave something up for interpretation, leave them guessing as to the possibilities of what could be. Paint vivid, full pictures in the imaginations of those you meet and interact with. At the very least, don’t be predictable, dare to stand out from a very large crowd.

 Put at least the same effort into the manner of your contact with others that you would in choosing your next car or place to live.  In these times where we are depending more and more on electronic modes of socializing with others rather than engagaing in face-to-face interactions that are more vibrant and alive, albeit more work, language skills are even more important.  Don’t be left in the dust. Have the courage to be remarkable and don’t settle for being a pale verision of what you could be.  One more in a herd of those being left behind and losing their basic language skills.

Trust me, we’ll ALL thank you for it.

 

Stomping Our Feet And Pitching a Fit..That’ll Teach ‘Em!!

time_out_chair_11

The world has watched for weeks as North Korea has done exactly as it said it was going to do.  Thanks to the obtrusive capabilities that Google Earth now provides us all to spy on cheating spouses and now Communist countries, even Joe Schmo could peek in on all the activity on the launching pad halfway around the world.

They said they were going to send a “communication satellite” into space.  They hauled out a rocket.  They fueled it.  The world watched and used their “serious” words to tell them not to do it.  President Obama and Secretary Clinton shook their fingers and stomped their feet in our stead, promising all sorts of dire consequences if North Korea stood by their word and dared to actually do what they said they were going to do.  We all watched and waited and whined.  China stood by figuratively giggling at the comotion and impotent threats from the “super powers” and chose to do nothing to intervene.

Yet on Sunday morning, amidst all the tempest in a teapot, North Korea made good on their word.  They did exactly what they said they were going to do and launched their new playtoy for all the world to see, effectively thumbing their nose at all the other kids on the playground.  They provided the potential buyers for their wares, any potential future terrorists (oh, excuse me, the bringers of man-caused disasters), a wonderful demonstration of the viability of their product. 

While the world watched and whined.  Our President promised a STERN united international response.  (What would that be, yet another visit to the UN’s dreaded “Time Out Chair?”)

A lot of good that did.   Somehow I get the feeling that there was no shaking in their collective boots going on.  The North Koreans proved once again today that they are better at playing chicken than we are.

Our President today got up in front of his teleprompter and fired off a very stern lecture toward the North Korean government.  He raged and promised that the UN was going to hear about this!! (shouldn’t they already have known all about it?)  He declared that this will not be tolerated. Of course that statement is like closing the barn door after the horse is running for the hills.  It doesn’t have to be tolerated, it’s already done. 

The North Koreans today put into practice what many people spout off as rhetoric.  They showed in graphic form that it is easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.  The only caveat to that is, of course, they don’t plan to ask for forgiveness.  They simply intend to thumb their nose at the rest of the world and do as they please.  A few more ineffective sanctions from the UN aren’t going to deter or even make them think twice the next time they plan to behave badly.

I will admit that one thing President Obama said today was very true.  He declared as he did often on the campaign trail as well, that “Words matter”.

Indeed they do.  North Korea took that phrase to heart and demonstrated it in no uncertain terms.

They said they were going to launch their rocket, and today, they did.

Who is standing by their words now?  The North Koreans that did what they said they were going to do and carried through or the rest of the world issuing their stern warnings and impotent sanctions yet again? 

Unfortunately for us all, the question is a no-brainer and the majority is proving to be the ones drawing the short stick.

Heaven forbid we hurt any feelings or actually take a stand.

To do so would denote that a strength of spirit and will  is still alive and well in the United States of America.  We can’t have that anymore, now can we?

Here a Trillion, There a Trillion

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A budget of 3.6 TRILLION dollars was passed yesterday on Capitol Hill. 

We pledged to contribute to another TRILLION dollars to the IMF at the G-20 summit. 

We are throwing hundreds of billions of dollars each week, it seems, to BAIL-OUT (not recovery and re-investment) yet another company that is deemed “too big to fail”.  In the process, we are now also seeing the government step into the fray in the attempt to legislate the salaries of private citizens.

Our calculators do not even go up to a trillion.

We are throwing around money like it’s a bizarre monopoly game and it’s not real to any of us.  It’s so far out of the realm of imagining for any average/normal American, that it’s like dealing in fantasy.  I’m not sure that even the politicians doling out our grandchildren’s future have any true concept of the true amount involved.  It’s mind boggling to even consider.

…and yet, we “spend” (at least on paper) more and more each day to “solve” our problems.  Nevermind the problems that we are creating in the process.  The current theory is that we’ll deal with those potential problems when we have to. 

It seems that Scarlett O’Hara’s reasoning has taken over Washington and the Congress and administration, along with many Americans, are now thinking…

Oh, I can’t think about this now! I’ll go crazy if I do! I’ll think about it tomorrow. But I must think about it. I must think about it. What is there to do? What is there that matters?  After all, tomorrow is another day!”

 

 

To put the concept of exactly how much a TRILLION dollars is into perspective, here are 15 Trivia facts about what that amount of “play” money could do…

 

A trillion dollars, in one-dollar bills, lined up end to end, can circle the earth about 3800 times.

A trillion dollars, single-stacked in one-dollar bills, would stand about 679,000 miles high; almost three times farther than the moon.

A trillion dollars worth of pennies, stacked in a single stack, would reach about 79,000,000 miles high; over three-quarters of the distance to the sun.

A trillion dollars, laid out flat with one-dollar bills, would cover an area of nearly 4000 square miles; nearly enough to cover the state of Delaware, not once, but twice; and it could cover Washington D.C. with about 2 1/2 inches of one-dollar bills.

A trillion dollars, strung end to end across the United States and stacked in a single-line stack, would build a wall 115 feet high across the country.

A trillion dollars, even in 100 dollar bills, stacked in a single stack, would reach over 6700 miles high.

A trillion dollars, in 100 dollar bills, lined up end to end, would circle the globe about 39 times.

To spend a trillion dollars in one year, you would have to spend $2,739,726,027.39 each and every day.

To spend a trillion dollars in ten years, you would have to spend $273,972,602.73 each and every day.

To spend a trillion dollars in an average lifetime (72 years), you would have to spend $38,051,750.38 each and every day.

The weight of a trillion dollars, in one-dollar bills, is about 1,093,750 tons; about as much as 15 Queen Elizabeth II cruise ships (Gross Tonnage). 

A trillion dollars in one-dollar bills would take about 32,000 years to count, assuming a counting rate of a dollar per second, and counting for 24 hours each day, seven days a week.  No food, no sleep, no breaks.

A trillion dollars in one-dollar bills, placed on the center line of America’s nearly 4 million miles of roadways in a single-line stack, would create a stack over 1 1/2 inches thick, or 38 layers.

A trillion dollars could purchase over 3 million of the most expensive Rolls Royce autos.

A trillion dollars could purchase over 2.5 million of the most expensive Lamborghini sports cars.

 

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Money, Money, Money  by Abba

 

I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay
Ain’t it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That’s too bad
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball…

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man’s world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man’s world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It’s a rich man’s world

A man like that is hard to find but I can’t get him off my mind
Ain’t it sad
And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldn’t fancy me
That’s too bad
So I must leave, I’ll have to go
To Las Vegas or Monaco
And win a fortune in a game, my life will never be the same…

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man’s world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man’s world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It’s a rich man’s world