Step Away From the Alarm Clock and No One Gets Hurt

 

Morning People

You know who you are.  You’re the ones that in a scant few hours will be bounding happily from bed, a smile on your collective delusional faces, ready to face the new day with unbridled enthusiasm. You actually look forward to what the morning hours will bring.  You delight in the dawning of a new day and in watching the sun rise..of hearing the birds begin to chirp as they herald in the new morn.  You greet everyone you meet, without any regard for some of our suffering, with a cheery hello and say things like “Isn’t it a beautiful morning?”  or “Did you SEE that sunrise this morning?”. NO, we didn’t see it, we were too busy trying to pry our eyelids open so we could go out and play in traffic while still trying to wake up.

You people are the scourge of my existence.

I’m a night owl living in a morning person‘s world.  Trust me, even with the rising popularity of all things vampire themed, it’s still not easy to function in a society that is still selfishly geared to people who spring out of bed, eager to greet the day each new morning.  We all know the ones.  They actually smile when their feet hit the floor.  They grab a cup of coffee and appreciate the sunrise with enthusiasm as they ready themselves to effortlessly slide into the ebb and flow of another day. They even look FORWARD to it!  I have it on good authority, that some of them actually hum their way through the dawn hours and greet a new day with a spring in their step. It’s HORRIFYING!!! I didn’t believe it for years either, but trust me..these people are everywhere!

Then there’s me and my kind.

While the above mentioned anomalies emerge eagerly from their warm beds, I’m still blindly swatting toward the offensively obnoxious sound squawking at me from the direction of my alarm clock, in a desperate effort to hit the snooze alarm button for the first time.  Somewhere in my sleep fogged brain, I delude myself into believing that if I can just go back to dreamland for another 9 minutes, I’ll be more ready to face the coming dawn.  Alas, therein lies the problem.  Whether I’ve had 2 hours of sleep or 10, I am never a happy camper when forced to wake up in the morning.

Try as it might, my brain just refuses to function at full capacity when a new day is dawning.  It’s as if a switch has been thrown and the mind that was so active and productive from midnight to 3 am is now a totally different creature.  To say I drag myself out of bed is probably being generous. It’s not pretty.  I do a slow slide out of bed (or off the couch where I fell asleep around 3am) and then stumble toward the bathroom, usually stepping on a bone my dog has so thoughtfully left for me to find.  As I start to hop on one foot and utter things that would make my Mama wash my mouth out with soap, I manage to stub the toe on my other foot against the door frame.  Now that I’m limping, whimpering, and still bleary eyed, I somehow manage to navigate my way toward yet another morning in paradise to begin my day.

In an ever-increasing politically correct world where it’s considered rude to say or do anything that might offend anyone, I want to know where is the concern and compassion for those of us that hate mornings.  Where is the justice and equality??  Where is the outrage for a good half of the population that is suffering?? Why are we, ones that thrive when the sun goes down, being discriminated against in such a cruel, cruel manner?  I think I have an excellent case if I wanted to make the argument for discrimination against night owls.

Trust me, I know.  All you chipper morning people are shaking your heads and thinking..”Why don’t all the non-morning people just get jobs that require working at night?”  Problem solved! Right??  Wrong!  Since the entire world basically functions on the insane scheduling of daytime hours, that just wouldn’t work.  When we’re up and ready to go, you’re asleep and visa versa.  Chaos would ensue, hell would surely freeze over if all the people who prefer the night and do their best work then tried to adjust their working hours around the time when they are most productive.

I’ve done a lot of thinking when I’m up and lucid in the middle of the night.  I could be persuaded not to raise a ruckus and keep things civil if we all had a little more equity. So, I have a proposal to make.

Let’s split the difference.

Every six months, just like daylight savings time (and we know how well THAT works out), society switches schedules.  Instead of everyone working 9-5, for half the year, everyone will work 9 PM until 5 AM.  It’s only fair.  Actually it’s more than fair.  Think about it.  Not only would the people who thrive at night be able to make up for their lack of sweetness and light when forced to get up early with enhanced productivity, but the morning people would STILL get to see their sunrise, it would just be at the END of the workday rather than at the beginning!! 

I know, I know..I’m brilliant! You’re asking yourself why I didn’t come with this idea sooner. 

We’ll blame it on the mornings.  Just imagine what I could up with when I’m actually awake!!

To Resolve NOT To Resolve, It’s Not a Question At All

The dawning of a new year and this year, a new decade, is once again upon us. I could swear it was just yesterday we were all anxiously anticipating with trepidation the arrival of the dreaded Y2K virus that would accompany the new millennium. A new century full of potential and pitfalls at our doorsteps was a daunting, yet exciting, prospect. Now here we are knocking on the door of the next decade with the first 10 years already written. Those years have been ones of immense change that no one could have predicted with a crystal ball, not even the famed Ms. Cleo.

No matter how long the previous year seems as we navigate our way through it, looking back, it seems to have passed by in the blink of an eye, good times and challenging ones alike. Perhaps that perception is accelerated when viewed through the prism of age. I can’t swear by this theory, although in my case, it seems to be true. Time does indeed seem to fly when looking back on it.

I don’t usually tend to wax nostalgic, but the past year has been one of immense change, both for myself personally and for the world at large. Change, while sometimes welcome, is not always something that I embrace willingly. I’ve found though, that it comes along whether we are ready for it or not and you better be willing and able to hold on and roll with all that comes with it. The phrase coined by Thomas Paine “Lead, follow or get out of the way”, springs to mind when dealing with life’s twists and turns. Life marches on and you can either find a way to cope and enjoy it, or you’ll be left behind. It’s a powerful force that will not be stopped in favor our of inability to keep up.

In my life, I have the opportunity to interact with a broad spectrum of people. From the very young to those that have weathered many decades, one thing is clear. The world is definitely a very different place with very different mindsets from the one I grew up in. I know that this revelation isn’t something that is new amongst the generations that have come before mine. One thing that has changed drastically however, is the way the world views the future and the potential contained in it. Our willingness and eagerness to succeed and the coping skills that used to be fostered into our childhood lessons aren’t there anymore. I see faces with eyes that seem angry or worried or resigned to life rather than excited by it. The eyes are sometimes in the faces of those that are too young to have so much worry or no hope and drive for the future. So many divert those weary eyes and don’t know how to interact with everyone around them anymore. More and more people don’t look others in the eye anymore for fear of what they might see or give away in themselves.

I don’t mean to sound full of gloom and doom. Like it or not, and I don’t at times, I have never been able to fully extinguish that light at the end of the tunnel belief in my thoughts or in my own life. I’ve always known that every day is different and full of new possibilities. Some of those days will be worse than the one that came before it, and some will be so much better, you feel as if you are floating on air. That is the wonder of living itself. I will confess to wishing at times that life was not quite so colorful or full of the all the things that make me grow, while at the same time making me squirm from the lessons they try to teach me along the way.

The past year and particularly the last 5 months, have seen great changes in my life, some positive and some things that I would not have picked if given the choice. I lost a parent, moved to a new home from one that had been a refuge for the past 21 years and have faced a betrayal that I didn’t see until it rose up out of the blue. The past year has also seen the deepening of friendships that I didn’t know I needed, the memories made with children that are no longer small and constantly surprise and make me proud as they continue to grow into adults and precious times spent with my Dad that are priceless. I’ve learned to bend, learned to adapt. I had no choice and in doing so, have as always, learned about myself, my inner strengths and my resolve. Some things I handled well, others I’d probably do over and in a better manner, but that just isn’t something that we are afforded in life. You live and learn if you’re smart and use those lessons for the rest of your days.

Thomas Paine also said, “We have it in our power to begin the world over again.” I believe he was right in this assertion. We all have within us the ability to make the best of whatever crosses our particular life path. We can make a difference in the lives of those around us if we put the effort into it, but at the same time, the sooner we realize that there are some things that are simply out of our control, the happier we will be. It’s a hard lesson to learn, particularly for me. I’m a nurturer by nature and at times a controller. It’s hard to let go and realize that you can only control your own path and hope that by example and deeds, your life will positively affect those whose paths you cross. I tend to want the best for those around me and to lessen the unnecessary pain of lessons that test the resolve of those I care for when it’s possible or when they will let me.

There’s that word again, resolve.

To me, it’s not something that can be done on the first day of a brand new year. It’s not something to pledge to blindly and stubbornly adhere to when you have no idea what the future may hold. Resolve, to me, is the backbone and strength to weather whatever storms and rainbows that appear along our journey on the road less traveled when they occur. In order to do that, you can’t lock yourself into a particular path or behavior in anticipation of things and events unknown.

This new year of 2011, as usual, instead of making resolutions, I intend to be resolute. To not just proclaim loudly or even privately to myself on a day that is meant to be full of hope and promise and without the constraints of a year yet lived, things that in a few weeks will be left by the wayside. Instead, I want to be resolute in the decisions I make throughout the year and see them through. To be firm and unwavering, yet not inflexible, and to make things happen that will benefit my life and the lives I touch daily. To do and follow through on the things I can actually accomplish right along with the occasional reaching for the stars and to not spin my wheels endlessly on lost causes. I’m resolute in my determination to screw up as little as humanly possible (screw-ups will occur) and to instead progress in positive ways, great and small.

So, once again, on the eve of the brand new year and brand new decade facing us, I resolve not to resolve anything. I’ll take things as they come and adapt, learn and hopefully grow from them as I enjoy all the nuances of life, both the good and the challenging.

To paraphrase the faux-wisdom that I not only have to say on airplanes, but also from a famous movie..fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night, ride and year. They all are, that is the only guarantee in life that we receive. Such is life, it is here to be lived and not observed.

The alternative is simply unacceptable.

Happy New Year!

You Are Cordially Invited to a Tea Party

There is an interesting phenomenon going on throughout our country today.  In ways not seen on this scale since the war protests of the 70’s, people are showing our government that they are fed up.  Americans young and old are sending the message loud and clear that we are tapped out as a nation and weary of yet more restrictions, bail-outs and tax burdens being heaped upon our shoulders and those of our future generations.

It is not a partisan effort, despite what the ultra-left wing branch of the Democratic party would lead you to believe.  There are Republicans, Democrats and Independents alike participating in this show of outrage and frustration.  We are exercising our Constitutional rights as Americans, whatever our political affiliations might be, to assembly and free speech.  We are, as a people, sending a message that while we respect the office of the President, many of us grow increasingly unhappy with the direction the country is being guided or shoved down a path we do not want.

So, today we protest our frustration and convey our disagreement with policies and new taxes and programs that it are being presented as what “we” want.  I for one, am tired of being told what is good for me and to just shut up, sit back and agree with those that do NOT represent my views, despite what they seem to believe.  I’m angry with the bail-outs that were passed “for our own good” even though the public outrage and opinion showed that Americans were soundly against their passage.

Washington and those currently in office better pay attention to what is being expressed by the people that have elected them as our representatives.  If they are smart, they will not put spin on it or tell us once again what they think we meant to say rather than listening to what we are actually SAYING to them.  This is a warning shot for those coming up for re-election that we the people, are paying attention and are discontented with their actions and disregard for what we think.

So, exercise your right to be heard.  Even if you believe no one is listening, it is a sure bet that you won’t be heard if you don’t even try.  In the past few election cycles it has vividly been shown that even a few individual votes do indeed count.  If you choose to sit on your backside, then don’t complain when you are not “bailed out” like the major corporations or fall through the cracks when you thought you’d be saved from your responsibilities and allowed a free pass.

Wake up and smell the tea brewing! 

Washington, you are not doing a good job at hearing the people you represent and that elected you.  This is not just a fluke or something that will go away if you put your fingers in your collective ears and cover your eyes.  To even give the impression, whether accurate or not, that the views of your constituents are falling on deaf ears would be a mistake if you wish to continue to serve the people that elected you.  Change is indeed brewing in this country, although I’m not sure that it’s quite the change the current administration envisioned.  I beg you, do not make the mistake of dismissing or alienating what is becoming a larger and larger section of the American people clammering to be heard..

On another little, purely personal note, I know that the original Tea Party was located in Boston in 1773.  However, we in the South know the TRUE value of tea.  Look in any refrigerator in a true Southern household, and you will find a gallon or two (or four) of the best SWEET tea that you’ll ever taste.  I know that the Yankees amongst us (hear that oh stoic one?), don’t recognize the simple indulgent pleasure in a glass of sweet tea and insist that having sugar on the table will somehow negate the fact that your restaurants don’t have it available on your menus up North.  You just don’t know what you’re missing.  Perhaps it’s why Southerners always have a smile on their face and something to say to everyone, even making actual eye contact as we do!!  We’re just infused with sweetness from birth through our tea! 😉

So, today in Atlanta, our tea party will have sweet tea flowing freely and our voices as proud Americans will be heard loud and clear.  The only question is, will those in Washington be smart enough to pay attention and react by rethinking some of their proposed actions?

Time will tell.  One thing is certain, ignoring it or making light of such a large group of Americans discontent would be foolish and ill-advised on their part.

 

“We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.”  Thomas Jefferson

 

**The DHS bulletin released or “conveniently leaked” on April 7th is troubling in the fact that it seems to be a not so subtle hint that our freedom of speech is being threatened at least by threat of intimidation and at worst incrimination.  We all need to pay attention and be vigilant of such veiled threats against our freedoms.

Through The Eyes Of A Child

 

One of my careers is that of being a school teacher. While I no longer teach full time with a single class for the entire year, I get to interact now instead with many more children each and every school year. Instead of teaching a single class the entire year with only 25-30 children, I now get to know 1200+, most of them by name. I see them grow from fresh faced kindergartners to 5th graders that think they are on top of the world and full of attitude when headed for middle school. In doing this, I receive a benefit that is more precious than any other that could be offered…I get to see the world through their eyes that aren’t clouded yet with all the weight of the world. Those eyes have seen things at young ages and have worries these days that children just shouldn’t have to cope with or even know about, yet they are still full of hope.

Over the years, I’ve written about a few of my special students. While I genuinely enjoy the majority of the kids, there are some that manage to get closer to me than others and will sneak right into your heart. I have one child as a student who is the son of a pilot I fly with. Ben is cute as a button and has had a crush on me since he was five. His face literally lights up when he sees me in his classroom or in the hall. He never fails to run up and squeeze me in a bear hug with a huge smile on his face. It always brightens my day. He’s one of many that I have a special relationship with throughout the school.

As I walk down the hall and constantly hear someone telling me hello, giving me a hug or a wave, I never fail to smile. They want to tell me their latest news or ask me a question. They make me laugh and at times my heart breaks for them when they are hurting or sad. It never fails to amaze me when I get to the end of a long day and feel like I have fussed all day at some of the same students, when they still go out of the door hugging me or with a smile on their face.

Children respect consistency. They know who loves them.  They know who wants to be there and who doesn’t, even when you’ve had to give them extra work or time out of recess. They also know they need boundaries. While they don’t always like the rules they must follow, they are glad those rules are there. Most grown-ups could take some lessons from their kids in that regard.

There are the kids in the EIP classes (early intervention), that have varying degrees of challenges in learning. These children have a huge span of personalities and abilities. They are not physically challenged, but have home situations or learning delays that make it trying for them to sit in school and process information as some others do. These kids will worm their way into your heart and while you hope like holy heck they will be successes in life, you know that some have the odds stacked against them. Regardless of that fact, you have to realize that you are affecting this part of their life and hope it has some impact, even if it’s a small one. These kids are usually charmers and sweet and usually precocious. They also are brutally honest and will make you feel like Superwoman when they share their thoughts or emotions with you.

There are also many kids that are physically challenged as well as being learning delayed. These children are generally bright, always have a smile on their faces and try their best to learn and behave. With inclusion becoming more and more the norm, these kids are looked upon by the other students as just one more friend in their class.  Most of the time their disability becomes something that is not even noticed.

Now, FINALLY the reason for writing today. (I can get a bit wordy when it’s about something I’m passionate about…teaching and children are near or at the top of the list) I was in a 1st grade EIP class today, one of my favorite classes. There is a student in this particular class that I have spent a lot of time with over the past 2 years. His name is Ade. He’s a precious little boy that last year came in shy and bewildered and pretty much stayed that way all year. This year has seen him begin to come out of his shell. He smiles much more. He’s finally “getting it” in the classroom, his work has improved more than I can tell you…it’s starting to click for him. He talked my ear off today, something he never would have done last year beyond random words here and there.

Ade is moving to Illinois tomorrow. The move came unexpectedly and for some reason, finding out yesterday that this would be his last day here in our school made me sad. While I was glad to get to teach and spend his last day with him…when his mom and brothers came to pick him up, it hit me harder than most. Children move in and out of the school with increasing frequency in our current fluid society, but this one got through to me and I’m not sure I even realized it until I knew he was leaving. I do have his phone # and address in Illinois to keep in touch with him, and will.

While I was losing one student today, I met a brand new one that transferred into the school last week. Jamal is in the same class. He’s a bright kid and has a huge smile. He whizzed through his work ahead of everyone else and I had to wonder why he had been placed in the EIPclass. I soon found out. Everyone was working. Jamal had finished and had asked to write a story on the back of his paper while everyone else finished. I told him that would be great. I watched as he wrote for about 10 minutes, his face intense with concentration. He came up to me in the back of the room wanting to read his masterpiece to me. He started to read the words expressing how much he missed his mother. The sentences told of the special things mom did for him and how he wishes she were here.

Not yet knowing his history, I thought perhaps mom might travel or that he had a family that had experienced divorce. I wasn’t going to ask Jamal, but when he finished reading, he looked up at me and more words starting spilling out. He was very matter of fact, but you knew those words had been bottled up for a while. He told me of a sibling that had died, I didn’t ask how. He told me that “they” had taken his sister and him out of their home and away from their mom to keep them safe. He paused, waiting for my response. Quite frankly, for someone that is rarely at a loss for words, I had to stop and think. I tried to reassure him that things would work out as they should. I told him how very glad I am that he’s with us now and how glad I am that he and his sister are indeed safe. I felt like I was bumbling through my rambling words, but he was listening. As I finished all I could say, a smile burst out on his face and he hugged me. This child just met me today and already he gave ME a gift.

I’m very aware of the problems with education. In fact, if you crossed my path, you’d hear me regularly giving my opinion of what we’re doing to our kids in the name of “progress” both from a teacher stand point and  as a parent. That isn’t something I can change right now, it requires time and legislation and common sense that I’m not sure some powers that be even have. Regardless of this though, I can make a difference and try to do just that in my little corner of the world with the children I have the privilege of interacting with.

So, I do what I can.

I try to show up each day I’m at school excited to be there. I give the children parts of myself.  I tell them stories about my kids and my life and make myself a little more human. I let them know about teachers I had that changed my life or gave me little tricks to make learning easier that have stayed with me. I smile and outright laugh often and easily. I make a fool of myself in assemblies or at dances…I don’t take myself so seriously and it breaks through to them. I wear funky outfits or jewelry that gives them something to talk about and smile.

I listen when they are excited or upset, knowing that sometimes no one else in their life takes the time. I always hug anyone back that gives me one. My classes are loud and interactive and they LEARN and remember. I thoroughly enjoy what I’m doing, I’m good at it and it’s my niche. When you find something that makes you happy, it shows…whether professionally or personally. I’m not the perfect teacher, I have many faults, but one of them will never be that I don’t care and give them my best even when I’m tired. My Connecticut Yankee would tell you that my face absolutely lights up when I talk about “my” kids.

What those kids give to me however, is absolutely priceless…and they do it without even trying..just by being themselves.

Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is?

 

Time…such a funny thing when you stop to think about it…

It can march on or stand still. You can squander it or take your sweet time getting things done.

Time is money, but money doesn’t give you more time.

Time flies, but at the same time can crawl.

We always need more of it, then complain when we have too much time in situations that make us uncomfortable.

You can’t buy time, but you can make time with someone.

We save time AND waste it. We take time for granted, then complain mightily about it’s loss…

Life can be the best of times, or the worst of times in the same sentence…

We can’t save time in a bottle for when it’s more convenient for us to pull it out and experience it or have it back when we want it.

I’ve been thinking a good bit about time in the past few months. As I watch the kids grow up and they are increasingly on the go, I sit and wonder where the time and years have gone. Now don’t get me wrong, there were and are STILL days that seem to go on forever! You know the ones…where everyone is in a pissy mood or thing after thing seems as if Murphy is sitting in your house writing his next installment of laws and you look up and actually mutter the words that you can’t wait until the day is over or until the kids are grown and gone.

Then poof, one day you look up and get your wish. Not only are the kids starting to turn into adults, but you’re a bit farther along in the adult process than you ever imagined yourself being. You still FEEL like a teenager with your thoughts or in the way you play your music.  Then one look in the mirror and you start to wonder where in the hell did those wrinkles come from? You’re slowly turning into your parents…and if you’re lucky enough to still have your parents here…you look at them and wonder how they suddenly got so old without you noticing.

That’s when it hits you (or should). WHAT are you doing with your life? I’m not talking about career or keeping up with the Jones…or even getting ready for retirement. Are you ready for the changes that are coming at light speed? Are you really using and appreciating all the little things in your life RIGHT now that might be overlooked in favor of letting the challenges over-shadow the good things that happen each and every day?

Are you courageous enough to reach out and not let things or people slip through your fingers that you hadn’t anticipated, to not let go even when it all might scare you with the feelings or implications involved? Can you give yourself permission to reach out for something, with no guarantees? Can you trust that whatever happens, it’s important not to take something special for granted and enjoy it to the fullest?  Can you trust yourself enough to let it happen and see what might happen, even if it wasn’t in your plans or ever anticipated?

Time isn’t an unlimited commodity to be traded like a stock. Life changes as we go along, as does our direction, no matter how much we try to keep to the path we had imagined for ourselves, and that’s okay.  The passage of time works things out for the best, even when we take detours we hadn’t planned. Do not take things for granted or throw them away.  Make time for simple pleasures and relax…trust that things are happening by a grand design that we aren’t always privy to.

I’m definitely not a polly-anna type of person. Anyone that knows me or that I let see that part of myself, knows I approach life with a realistic, cynical, sarcastic view of a lot of things. I’m opinionated and outspoken, and these days can be a full strength, un-diluted ME with those I trust. This alone makes me happy when I feel free enough to be myself. (I’m not sure about everyone around me gets the same warm fuzzies from my unfettered views as I do *grin*) What I do make sure that I accomplish each day, even on the days that would make Barney the Purple Dinosaur break down and cry, is to find SOMETHING in the day that was good or to smile over. Many times the things to smile over in today’s society might be minuscule, but there is always something to cause a grin if one looks for it.  Some days there is full bodied laughter and joy.  You have to take the time to enjoy the subtle nuances and ebb and flow of life in unexpected ways and places.

I enjoy life. Period.

Whether it’s challenging or exciting or ho-hum, I enjoy the simple fact that I’m breathing each and every day.  That fact alone leaves me with endless possibilities in front of me and another chance to make a change or a difference.

The challenges, the colors, the tastes, the smells, the experiences that let me know I’m living life and not just wandering blindly through life, all are precious.  Missing most of the flavors of life or making those around me miserable would be such a waste of the time granted to each of us since it is all too important to ever take for granted. 

We all start out each day with 24 hours. The same 60 minutes in each of those hours. The same 60 seconds in each minute. It’s time that can never be reclaimed once it passes.  You cannot bank it for later when you have the “time” to experience it. You can’t turn back the clock.

Will all things in life be pleasant or good? Heck no!!  I do know one thing though…you better live while you’ve got the chance. Life truly is TOO short to waste too many seconds of it. You should never look back and have to wonder “what if”.  Take a chance.

What matters most in life is what we do with our time here and if we make sure that at least PART of each day has something in it that you find to smile over. I don’t care if it’s as simple as the fact that your dog didn’t crap in the neighbor’s yard for once, that a cloud had an interesting shape or if you DIDN’T hear from that pain in the butt friend who makes you crazy. There is something in those 24 hours, EACH AND EVERY DAY, that can be smiled over. It may be something little, find it anyway and make the conscience decision to realize that it happened.

Life is truly how you face it and what you make of it. If you want to be miserable and make those around you feel the same way, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. You’ll wake up one day and wonder what happened to your life, why no one comes to see you, why you’re so lonely, so alone.

Don’t blame anyone else, fix yourself and get happy with yourself FIRST…don’t wait on someone else to do it for you. Accept what life hands you and find a way to make it work for you or to improve the areas where its needed. You’ll find when you are comfortable with yourself, others will be as well and will want to be around you.

Now, as often happens when I start typing…this didn’t start out to be a general pep talk about life. I was looking at old pictures and at the kids sitting around the house one night with their friends, and my mind wandered to time and it’s value. I’m making memories still and will always. I’m also savoring the memories already made and making sure to pass them along to future generations or friends so that they are never forgotten.

I’m also looking forward to finding many things for myself in the coming years. I’m not speaking of material possessions, although those are nice, but of the things that I’ve learned that are truly important to life and happiness. The things that I truly need or want for myself on other levels will not be neglected or taken for granted. None of us has a crystal ball to predict what those things will be or where we’ll be a year from now or with whom. TIME will tell, we can’t totally script our lives and be happy.

The past year has been a bit of a roller coaster, full of the highest highs and a couple of lows I hadn’t expected or foreseen amongst the good things happening to me. I’ve had relationship challenges and a family health scare, but over “time” and by sharing with someone special, everything works out…perhaps not perfectly, but in ways that have amazed me and have given me joy in the way those things are progressing.

It takes hard work, communication and at times blind faith in something or someone. Living your life takes courage and realizing there are some things that just are.  Situations unexplainable by logic or reason.  The things that are inexplicably and unexpectedly wonderful. Experiences that are needed to continue to grow, whether we planned them or not. Enjoy each one thoroughly and cherish each day.

Time, such a funny wonderful thing. It’s the ultimate gamble in life. We know we have a finite amount and yet we take a chance on how much time has been dealt us. It’s a question not one of us can answer with any certainty…don’t let your time pass you by.

 

 

~Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff that life is made of.~ Benjamin Franklin

All Along The Watchtower

 

Each and every morning I wake to the news that yet another attempt to strip away the “rights” we take for granted as Americans is slowly being planned by the current administration.  With each fresh news cycle, more plans are unveiled that prove just how little regard the man we elected to be our President has for our way of life and for our country.  He is proving to have no loyalty but to himself and his agendas.   Agendas that are put forth as being for our own good and designed to “save” us from ourselves.  We’re told that we can’t possibly understand all the intricacies of whatever crisis of the day is being flailed at by those in charge.

For a liberal administration that preaches it’s abhorrence to torture, it seems that doesn’t apply to the American citizens.  Of course we’re not under a police state or in danger of being taken away in the middle of the night (yet) and it’s inconceivable that we ever would be.  The only problem with that theory is, there are so many basic tenants of our everyday life under assault that I never in my wildest dreams would have considered now happening, that I’m not sure anything is inconceivable anymore.

What is happening  is a death of our liberties by a thousand tiny cuts, which in my mind, amounts to the same thing as torture to all that makes our country what it was founded to be.  We count on our right to free speech without retribution.  We depend on our right to free enterprise and in return the equal right of success or failure.  We expect to be treated as adults and be able to make our own choices as to our health care and how or if we want to make a difference and contribute to those less fortunate.  We insist on the right to choose our own religion and worship how we see fit or not worship at all if we don’t find a reason to believe in a higher being.

All of these things are the threads that our founding fathers wove together to make our country into a wonderful, at times messy, mosaic of patterns and rhythms unlike any other country in the world.  They are part of what makes us resilient and sometimes called arrogant by the rest of the world, and yet, people from all over the world fight to live here and earn their chance at a better life.  As a country, we can be very selfish at times, but when push comes to shove, we always rise to the occasion and give of our resources and many times our manpower to aid those around the world in need.

We are far from a perfect country.  Anyone that proclaims in their personal life or in regard to our nation, that change never needs to occur, is a fool.  Change is necessary to growth.  Change isn’t always comfortable, but as long as it’s positive, it works out for the best over time.

Change just for the sake of change however, can be destructive.  Change when it contains the agenda of a few being imposed by force on the many, is dangerous.  Change when it alters the basic foundations of what our country was founded on, will erode some of the basic principles of life we count on. 

The things we need to fiercely protect with every fiber of our being are the less tangible ones, the things that we cannot always reach out and touch.  Those can start to slip away slowly..quietly..without much notice or fanfare, until we wake up one day and find we no longer have the comfort of feeling secure or safe in our own homes in our own country.  If we do not stand up and be counted against the assault on the rights afforded to us by the Constitution, our children will grow up in a much more oppressive and scary country…one we won’t recognize.

Yes, we’re all hurting due to the economy.  It’s frightening to not know what is around the corner.  We need to remember that things like income are fleeting and tend to ebb and flow with time and circumstance.  This is a time to get back to some of the basic principles of family that have been lost over the past few decades in favor of excess.  This is a time of opportunity to rediscover what should have been truly important to us all along and learn to get along or make do without all the static that has been clogging up our lives in the recent past. 

A lot of us that are in our 40’s and 50’s need to remember our own simpler childhoods and teach our children and grandchildren the pleasures we enjoyed growing up that didn’t require money or electronics to occupy our time.  We need to learn how to interact with each other on a personal level again, without throwing money at a problem.  Here’s an idea, throw your time and attention at things instead.  Start to pay attention to the world and people around you.

We are resilient people, but in these times, we also have to be resolute in our determination to rebuild our country in it’s own image.  We have to fight, be vigilant and not give away our liberties in favor of letting the government overtake every part of our lives, privacy and freedoms.  We are writing our country’s history and we better not screw it up.

Instead of using the catch phrase of a company being “too big to fail”, we need to remember first and foremost that our COUNTRY and it’s ideals are too IMPORTANT to fail.

You Can’t Hurry Love

 

As the song says, “Will you still love me tomorrow?”

The answer to that question will always be a resounding NO if you insist on hurrying through the process of failing in love or settle for less than what trips your trigger.

What do you want?  Easy and sleezy or long and lasting?  It’s up to you.

I know this will come as a great shock, but I’m no expert on love. Lord knows, even at my age, I still find I have much to learn when it comes to something that is, according to the powers that be, supposed to be naturally occurring phenomenon.

Visit any bookstore and you’ll find there are aisles and aisles of books devoted to love and all its possible outcomes and consequences. Books that tell you how to find your soul mate, how to make sure you’re irresistible to them by re-inventing yourself, how you should feel and how to manipulate a potential mate into acting the way you think they should act…crowd each aisle.

Then there are the myriad of books that tell you how to have every sort of sex act imaginable, a few of which are actually possible, and also contain do-it-yourself-er advice for the “handy” men and women amongst us (wouldn’t that be the epitome a “self-help” manual? Just a thought. *batting my eyes*) 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t physical pleasures be something that is effortless with a true mate or someone you love and trust?  WHY do we spend so much money attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole, metaphorically speaking. *wink* If you need a little “pick-me-up”, your own imagination should do just fine without someone else instructing you step by step on how to make a chocolate mold of your stud muffin’s willie simply in order to spice up a love life.  Rely on your own intuition. 

As you progress on to the next aisle, you’ll discover books and advice on how to fix the relationship you’ve already managed to break, neglect or screw up.  You can  continue on and pursue books that also tell you how to find out if the love of your life is cheating on you by putting on your detective hat and trench coat.  Heaven knows, trust is a bygone character trait in our society today. 

Last but not least, comes the section on how to take the person to which you pledged your heart and soul, to the cleaners or exact revenge for whatever pain you’re now experiencing. Who said that romance is dead?? Heck, you can buy the magic spells for guaranteed romance for the bargain price of $19.95 at Books a Million. What a deal!!

Is it any wonder we’re floundering and confused?  If we so called adults are acting like irresponsible teenagers in heat without a clue, heaven help the teenagers we’re responsible for raising and teaching such things.

When I wander around on online, it seems that there are so many people that are determined, come hell or high water, to fall in love. They plan for it. They advertise for it. They bemoan the fact that no one is falling under their spell. They finally decide, after a whole week or two of looking, to settle on something close to what they might actually want in a mate.

We want everything in our lives to be quick and easy..shake and bake. Women hear their clock ticking or don’t want to be labeled as an Old Maid or spinster..and men want to be taken care of or take care of someone to feel vital and not be labeled as “funny” by great aunt Marge when she discusses with the family why you can’t find a bride or have a woman stay with you.

Now keeping in mind that I’ve already confessed to not being Dr. Laura or Dear Abby or Dr. Phil, real love just isn’t that easy to find and can’t be forced into your time frame or specifications. IF you feel the urge coming over you to rationalize what you’re willing to do so that you’re not lonely anymore…get a grip. LOVE shouldn’t be rational. It can’t be arranged or planned for, and if it can be…then again, it’s not LOVE. 

Love is also messy and emotional (isn’t that the point?). You WILL cry over someone that you love. It is guaranteed we will all say or do the wrong thing at some time in a relationship. Ladies, all the platitudes we’re fed like…”No man worthwhile will make you cry” is bunk. Of COURSE worthwhile men will occasionally make us cry (or we’ll do it to ourselves by over-thinking or over-reacting)…if you don’t ever cry or fight or get upset in a relationship, then one or both of you just isn’t fully involved emotionally in said relationship. It’s benign and stagnant and will ultimately leave you bored and dissatisfied or as lonely as when you really were by yourself and alone.  The only difference being, you’re now alone where it counts, on the inside, while pretending to be part of a couple.

There are so many people rushing into real life meetings or falling in love after a couple of long conversations online with a total stranger. I hate to burst your bubble, but that’s not love. It might be the first stirrings of lust or interest, but it sure as hell isn’t love and if you rush into things, it will end badly. What’s the hurry anyway? IF it’s something destined to be important to you both and lasting, time will enhance the connection, not diminish it. You need to learn about the other person, experience them, make sure they are who they say they are. By the same token, you have to learn to not hold back as well…to give them even the parts of yourself you might not be proud of, rather than only showing your good side or what you think they are looking for.

If you don’t know their middle name, their birthday…the names of their children if they have them, where they were born or have heard about their parents or siblings, you don’t know them. Do you know their favorite movies, who gave them their first kiss, the foods they hate or summer jobs they had growing up? Little details that aren’t only lust or physically related, start to round out a person. You need long conversations on the phone so you can hear their voice, the pitch of their laugh…talking about all sorts of subjects from politics to nonsense. You need to not only be focused on finding out what turns them on or the size of their ummm…attributes, but instead find out if you really like the person as well as lust after them.

Yes, attraction is key to a relationship, but it’s just the icebreaker. If you’re looking for more than a quick roll in the hay that hopefully ONLY leaves you upset when it’s over (and without complications such as disease or a stalker or a new addition to the family), dare to look deeper and take your time if you want any chance at a lasting friendship with someone that is also your lover and one day maybe a lifelong partner.

None of us wants or likes to be lonely, it sucks to deal with things on our own all the time, be the fixer, or feel as if the weight of the world is always on our shoulders. We’re all searching for contact with someone that understands us, makes us feel wanted and needed. It doesn’t get any easier with maturity and age, in fact..I think it gets tougher. The players have refined their game by then and it’s hard to tell the good humans from the ones that talk a good game, male or female. Most of us have had relationships that have changed us in some way, at times hurtful ways that leave behind emotional scars that anyone new in our lives will have to understand and find ways over walls we may have built to protect ourselves. We’re more scared to fail or get hurt again. None of this is insurmountable.

Listen to your head and heart, not only your “happy spots” of bodily lust, when you meet someone that makes you take notice. Sex is easy, love takes effort and thought.  Use your brain, but at the same time, let yourself dream of possibilities. When you’ve been hurt, let yourself heal…but don’t close yourself off, none of us can live our lives in a vacuum.

It’s best to wait for the one you want than to settle for the one who’s available. Best to wait for the one you love than settle for the one who’s around. Best to wait for the right one because life is too short to be wasted with the wrong person, hoping they will change into what you want or need…hoping that magic pixie dust will make you happy.

Live, Learn, Love…and have fun doing it.

 

***********************************************

~True love cannot be defined by any means. It is a cluster of adjectives. It’s crazy, passionate, complicated, painful, but most importantly, true love is real. It’s that feeling of being inexplicably drawn to another person. Love isn’t finding someone who you can escape reality with, it’s finding someone who makes reality worthwhile.~

Are You Good Enough to Eat?

 

Most people tend to associate aphrodisiacs only with food. It’s been long examined and proven through exhaustive studies (with willing volunteers I’m sure) that certain foods will raise our libidos and pique our interest in getting physical.

While I am a firm believer in well, anything that will get things ummm, firm, I also believe we’re disregarding a whole other source of passion and pleasure when it comes to the inducement of cumming. We instead rush to the unimaginative resources that bombard us through the media and porn industry of what romance and arousal should be rather than tapping our own natural resources for inspiration.

There are commercials with catchy jingles about the wonders of Viagra for instant interest and hard-on simply for the sake of performance, regardless of whether or not the person in question actually fans our fire. Sex for sex sake. While a little blue pill technically does get the job done, so to speak.  In taking these shortcuts to instant intimacy and guaranteed performance, we’re missing out on so much of the important part journey that makes it more intense, more fun.

I happen to believe we can all learn to be walking talking aphrodisiacs. It’s not dependent on your looks, but on your imagination and confidence level in who you are.

We’ve all seen them..those people who seem to attract others to them like magnets.  The ones who always seem to have suitors vying for their time and attention, no matter the situation. They are not always the most beautiful people in the room, in fact, many times they are not. So what sets them apart from those around them and gets them noticed? Attraction is an art, but it is also part science..bottom line is, the magnetism you exude is entirely under your own control.

You have to be willing to do a few things. You have to not take yourself so seriously. Will everything you do always turn out like the soaring soundtrack to a romantic movie? Of course not..you have to learn to laugh at yourself, to get over yourself. You will also have to step outside of your own comfort zone at times.

This is one time it is perfectly okay to fake it (fake it now, not later when you have accomplished your goals of heating things up). Put on your confident airs and believe that you can do anything. Fake it if you must until you start to believe your own bravado and sense of self.

Last but not least, it requires a true realization within yourself that you are truly sexy, confident and worth being adored, and worthevery bit of  the attention coming your way. Confidence in yourself is as powerful as any little blue pill or food that you can eat to ensure that you WILL trip someones trigger that you’re interested in.

There are a few things you need to remember and do in your quest to find your inner sex magnet…

Define your own sense and version of what sexy is. It’s different for everyone, so trying to copy someone else just won’t work. Be yourself and be confident in the style you create. There is no one size fits all in the rules of attraction. Find your own niche.

Show an interest in those around you, keep up with current events. Ask questions that show you’re listening, have direct eye contact with those you’re speaking with. If you show interest in learning about someone and that you are more than just a pretty or handsome face, it ups your attraction value greatly.

Learn how to make an entrance. This does NOT mean to always make a spectacle of yourself. Instead, enter a room with your head held high. Make eye contact and smile. Believe that those that are there are glad to see you and say it to yourself until it sinks in and becomes true in your mind.

Have something you’re passionate about and don’t be afraid to express it. In order to be attractive to others, you have to have beliefs or causes that you can express passion over. Passion is SO much more that what comes out of sex. It’s a part of your spirit. Whether it’s an issue you feel strongly about or a hobby that you throw yourself into, you’re more appealing if you’re not one dimensional. Have a favorite author, argue politics if you dare, challenge someone to a game of backgammon or chess.

Exercise and take care of yourself. No, this doesn’t mean running out to join a gym tomorrow. Take pride in your appearance, like it or not, first impressions often are difficult to overcome. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money to do so and it’s important to respect yourself and to let it show. No matter your weight, if you exercise, even just by walking a few more steps a day..it increases your self esteem, boosts your energy AND your libido. It will show from a glow in your face..if you feel healthy, you look healthy. This too, is about attitude in part. Treat yourself and your body with respect and others will too.

Forget the “rules”.Don’t go into a situation with pre-conceived notions of what you should and shouldn’t do. Don’t play games. Go with the flow and enjoy yourself, loosen up. If you feel interest, let the person know it. Don’t expect them to wait on you to return their calls or have to guess if you’re interested or not in them. If you do, don’t be surprised if they aren’t there when you decide to try and reel them in. That doesn’t mean that discretion and flirting go out the window, but by the same token, don’t sabotage yourself either by trying to control the entire situation.

Learn to flirt, don’t dismiss the ever so important nuances of foreplay.Someone that can master the art (and it is an art, albeit becoming a lost one) of seduction is almost unstoppably, unbearably interesting to a partner or potential partner. While the in-your-face take me now approach can be and is fun in an established relationship, in most cases..learning to flirt, even without serious intent, is vital to your appeal-ability..and knowing how to seduce and fan the flames of passion with someone you are in a relationship with is priceless. Whether you are in a long distance relationship as I am or in a long term marriage, know your power. Don’t be predictable.

Be picky, don’t settle. There is nothing worse than the sense that someone will take whatever is available simply in order to scratch an itch or not be lonely. Learn how to like being alone, and when you meet someone that just isn’t quite right…don’t try to talk yourself into them or think you can make them into your ideal partner. When you decide to get down and dirty, it doesn’t have to always be for true love. When that decision is made and the clothes start coming off, it always should be with someone you actually respect and at least like, not just someone you’re in lust with and don’t want to be seen with outside of the bedroom (or restaurant bathroom stall, whatever floats your boat). Not only are one night stands dangerous to your health, it’s truthfully not even close to being the mind blowing sex you can have with someone you know well and know how to arouse.

Accept that you will not always come away with the prize. Yes, I know it’s hard to imagine, but not everyone will find you attractive or be interested in your bubbling confident personality. That’s what makes the world go ’round. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it only means that different strokes for different folks (literally at times *wink*). No one is 100%attractive, 100% of the time, to everyone they meet. Feelings will be occasionally hurt and that’s okay, it’s not fatal. Don’t let it stop you from climbing right back on the horse to ride..so to speak.

Last but not least…Learn how to be sensual. Indulge in your senses…learn to appreciate the life around you. Hug your acquaintances. Enhance your sense of touch, whether out in nature or around the house..feel the texture of life around you. Appreciate the delicious smells that can spark our senses. Taste everything. Learn to dance, slow and close, hear and feel the music surrounding you. Passion and sensuality is not just simply about sweaty naked bodies, it’s something that permeates your entire being.

Cultivate yourself, learn how to become irresistible to those around you…learn how to be fascinating. Before long, you’ll notice a difference in the way others look at you and treat you. Smile often, flirt shamelessly without intent to those you meet, but flirt with pure intent with those that fire your senses.

Before you know it, you will literally be good enough to eat and an aphrodisiac that can’t be found on any grocery shelf or in a pill bottle. You’ll be the definition of pure walking talking sex appeal and available without a prescription..what a concept!

Take a Chance on Life & Make it Count

Take chances…

Tell the truth…

Date someone totally wrong for you…Twice…

Say no…

Spend all your cash…

Fall in love…

Get to know someone random…

BE RANDOM…

Say “I love you”…

Trust even when it scares you…

Sing out loud…

Let someone know how much they mean to you…

Laugh at a stupid joke…

Cry…

Get revenge now and then…

Apologize…

Tell a jerk what you think of them…

Let someone know what they are missing…

Share your inner thoughts…

Occasionally give in to your secret urges…

Take a chance on someone…

Try new looks…

Take the road less traveled…

Don’t take yourself so seriously all the time…

Tell someone you miss them…

Be mysterious…

NEVER settle for less than you deserve or want…

And always,

 

LIVE LIFE!!

 

The ability or will to live outside our natural comfort zone is something that most people will never think of doing, much less attempt.  I’m not talking about abandoning all sense of responsibility or duty in day to day life.  Unfortunately,  that does seem to be a growing trait more and more people seem to be taking on in our society today.  Not accepting responsibility for their actions or not being prepared for consequences is something that a lot of my generation seems to be embracing themselves and then passing on to our children.  It’s much easier to shift blame or just ignore the facts of what our actions or words can cause. 

Is everyone this way?  No, thank goodness…there are still a majority of people that realize you have to be accountable and take a stand for what you truly believe in and let your life reflect those beliefs…and if things don’t work out the way you thought they would or should, take the consequences with grace and style…and move on.

HOWEVER, I have come to realize over time that there also has to be a balance, or rather there SHOULD be a balance in your life, that enables you to fulfill the duties and tasks you need to accomplish while at the same time always you not neglect the needs of your soul or the things that can make you happy.  The things that might take you outside that comfort zone a lot of us seem to fall into and never leave.

Is finding that balance an easy thing to do?  NO…it’s something that can and probably will cause that butterflies in your stomach feeling, sweaty palms and it’s pretty much guaranteed you will miss sleep while trying to find yourself.  Is it something necessary to live life to it’s fullest so that you can one day look back at your life and truly have no regrets?  No regrets for always having done what was always expected of you rather than what would have made you happy (even now and then)?

ABSOLUTELY!!! 

I see examples of so many bitter unhappy people merely walking through their lives these days.

There are those that are dissatisfied with their lives or standing in society.  The ones that are unhappy with their own choices and instead want to blame others rather than themselves when life doesn’t work out the way they planned.  They end up feeling alone or stupid because of decisions they have freely made.   It almost seems they take comfort in their misery and are almost anxious to wallow in their discomfort rather than take steps to improve the things making them miserable.

Next there are those that believe by taking care of everyone around them at the expense of themselves or their own happiness,  that they somehow are doing the right thing.  Instead, they end up cheating everyone around them, including themselves.  They are robbing those they love of ever knowing the true person living within. The people that will freely take from them without interest or care for the sacrifices being made are being done no favors.  The person that lives their life through the happiness of others is in essence wasting a huge part of themselves and their potential, often without anyone even noticing or caring.

Then there are some, and in my opinion, the worst…those that are intent on thinking themselves above it all and better than their fellow man, even though a lot of their own actions are purely hypocritical and the same or worse than those they try to belittle.  In the end, they only end up making themselves look foolish in the process and rarely see it.  I have found that I have no patience or sympathy for anyone that makes the choice to be vindictive, mean spirited or judgemental toward others instead of putting responsibility on themselves or living their own lives.  I do however, pity those stuck in that rut of unhappiness or deceit, and for the people that have to live with or interact with them over and over again.  The masks they think they wear so carefully are often instead transparent to everyone around them.

I know I can’t change all of the wrongs in the world by myself or always worry about what I cannot change in others.  I don’t plan to look back on my life one day and lament the fact that I missed out on things I should have taken a chance on. The things that at the time might have seemed crazy or scary or stupid…something not in my “comfort zone”. 

Over the last few years I have embraced this philosophy.  In doing so, at times the decisions I’ve made have turned out to be terrific ones where I’ve grown, learned and purely enjoyed.  At times, as will happen, some choices were ones in the end I’d have rather not made, but I still learned from those choices as well.  It turns out even tough lessons are valuable ones if you let them be. 

I plan to keep living life and taking chances outside what is merely expected of me.  In the process I will try to never purposely do harm to others or shirk responsibilities that are all important in life.  By the same token however, I also never plan to quit growing or experiencing the flavors and colors of life, or for that matter shrink away from confrontations if they are warranted.  I will not sacrifice my full potential or happiness out of fear or by trying to take care of everyone else but myself in a misguided attempt to be selfless or a martyr.

I will try to always take chances when I can, even when I’m uncertain of the outcome.  This is what keeps us vital and young and moving ahead.  It keeps us from becoming stagnant, unhappy or bitter because of missed opportunities or from blaming others for what we decide to do or not do with our lives.  It keeps us from having  disappointment in how our lives turn out.

So I’m living my life as I started this post, continuing to move forward with my eyes wide open, head held high and my mind open to what is to come, even in these uncertain times. 

Living your life well IS truly the best “revenge” against disappointment or being stuck in a rut with no chance of escape.  It’s not comfortable at times to believe in yourself, but life will certainly never be dull!

 

~Live well, laugh often, love passionately~