Posts tagged ‘Bless Their Hearts’

To Whatever Liberals, Progressives, & Obama Supporters It May Apply, I Want a Divorce

 

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: 

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of  America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.

 

In anticipation of such an action, here is a model separation agreement: 

 

Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. 

 

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

 

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street…. You can have your beloved  homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and  Hollywood .  

 

You can make nice with  Iran and  Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.

 

When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

 

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. 

 

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every  Volkswagen you can find.  

 

We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.  

 

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

 

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you  which one of us will need the others help in 15 years.   

 

 Sincerely,  

 John J. WallLaw Student and an American  

 

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

 

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Expressions That Make You Fit to be Tied & Other Southern-isms to Ponder

Some of you are aware that I have a certain affection for a damned Yankee and regularly immerse myself in travels to the great north for an infusion of ummm..Northern hospitality (yeah, we’ll go with that for now). I realize that male/female interactions in and of themselves can be a bit of a challenge under the best of circumstances..throw in a few regional and cultural differences and it’s not only like we are from Mars and Venus, but from different galaxies altogether. (mine, of COURSE, being the totally normal, sane universe and his being full of nuts, but I digress)

Now, while I can be and often am, an intellectual snot in regard to grammar or in my manner of speech, there are times..albeit few and far between..when my Southern roots and upbringing take over. (I know, it’s a great shock…stick with me on this) It seems that when I get excited, agitated or irritated, I can become a tiny bit regional in the way I express myself. Apparently during these times, I might have an itty bitty tendency to utter a phrase or two that those living above the Mason Dixon line do not employ in their day-to-day communications.

I know, I know!! It’s hard to imagine, but amazingly true. Different areas of the country have trouble understanding the true meaning behind some of our more beloved Southern phrases. Personally, I think we are simply a descriptive, imaginative group of people who just choose to use particularly apt colorful words to express ourselves on occasion. I just don’t see where the confusion comes from. In my eyes, we’re very easy to understand! Fiddle-dee-dee!

I always know that I’ve managed to befuddle the poor man and crossed the communication great divide when I hear a silence on the other end of the phone line, or when I’ve sent a text message and finally get a reply questioning my sanity. Of course, to be fair, he tends to question my sanity with frequent regularity even when I’m making perfect sense. If I’m being totally honest, I will admit that at times (not often, mind you), when I’m visiting New York and Connecticut..I “might” turn on my Southerness a bit more, just for effect. I can’t help it, Yankees are so much fun to play with. It becomes almost a challenge to take some of the stoic out of those that need a stick-ectomy (for those of you that can’t figure that one out, it encompasses taking the stick out of one’s butt and learning to laugh at one’s self rather than being so serious all the time). Besides, I’m constantly fielding requests when there to just “say something” so they can hear my “cute little accent”. So, being the polite compliant belle I am..I oblige them in my own sweet little innocent way!  Bless their hearts.

So, I send a perfectly innocent little text message to the Connecticut Yankee..something along the lines of..

” I swanny (and yes that actually IS a word, albeit a Southern one, you Yankee smartass..she says with great affection) I am going to have to kill you yet..wink”

Okay, that isn’t along the lines of, that IS the actual text message. There is silence for about 5 minutes, then I get this in return from said Yankee..

What the HELL kind of word is that??” 

I then had to send the definition of the word “swanny”, using it in what I thought was a great sentence that entailed describing a certain body part that can be truthfully declared as something I find VERY appealing. For those of you that don’t know, the definition of swanny is to declare, affirm or swear something. I’ll let y’all use your massive imaginations to fill in the blanks about the actual content of my text or to construct your own sentences…I don’t text and tell.

It must take very little to amuse me, because I was literally laughing out loud (and not in an emoticon type of way), but rather in a manner that made everyone on the train from the airport look at me like I had lost my mind. I hate to tell them, but I misplaced any sanity I had a long, LONG time ago and have found I don’t miss my mind at all anymore. I’m better off without it and fixin’ to get even more outrageous with age. I want to be a “character” when I grow up. (i.e.-“She’s a real character, isn’t she?”)

Now I ask you…if you heard these phrases, wouldn’t they bring to mind a picture that is MUCH more descriptive and easy to understand than conventional speech?  Here is just a small sampling of a few things you might hear come from a Southerners mouth…

“she was as ugly as the backside of a barn”… or

“you look like you’ve been ridden hard and put up wet”…

“It smells like something done crawled up here and died!” or

“that girl needs some meat on her bones, bless her heart”…

“we’re smack dab in the middle of something good”

“That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!”

“You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.”

“He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin’ contest!”

“Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!”

“Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.”

“You could start an argument in an empty house.”

“That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob” 

“If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose”

“You could start an argument in an empty house.”

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I know, by now you’re all fit to be tied and bless your hearts, probably in a tizzy..but butter my buns and call me a biscuit..I just don’t think this is such a conundrum. Dang, most of you are as wild as all get out and this ain’t your first rodeo..so go with the flow and get yourself all gussied up. Good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, tomorrow is another day.

Don’t go throwing a hissy fit, it’s not worth getting in a pickle over! Daggumit, Lawd have mercy! Goodness gracious and shoot fire, it ain’t nothing that can’t be fixed with a glass of sweet tea…join me on the porch and we’ll mull it over. Butter would melt in my mouth when I set my mind to somethin’!

Have a good ‘un and y’all come back to see us, you hear?

Now I ask you…HOW simple is that?? It’s JUST plain boring English after all!  Feel free to use any of the above “Southern-isms”.  Don’t mind the occasional strange looks that might follow, they’re just jealous they aren’t so inventive and descriptive!

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Tongue in cheek Disclaimer:  No one living above the Mason Dixon line was targeted or harmed in the writing of this bit of fluff andit is all in fun.  I happen to absolutely adore and delight in the differences of personality that all the regions in our country produce.  It’s a small part of what makes life an interesting adventure.

(For the record, this particular bit of writing seemed to send spell check into a tizzy of its own, apparently IT doesn’t speak plain, simple English either!!)

You Are Cordially Invited to a Tea Party

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There is an interesting phenomenon going on throughout our country today.  In ways not seen on this scale since the war protests of the 70’s, people are showing our government that they are fed up.  Americans young and old are sending the message loud and clear that we are tapped out as a nation and weary of yet more restrictions, bail-outs and tax burdens being heaped upon our shoulders and those of our future generations.

It is not a partisan effort, despite what the ultra-left wing branch of the Democratic party would lead you to believe.  There are Republicans, Democrats and Independents alike participating in this show of outrage and frustration.  We are exercising our Constitutional rights as Americans, whatever our political affiliations might be, to assembly and free speech.  We are, as a people, sending a message that while we respect the office of the President, many of us grow increasingly unhappy with the direction the country is being guided or shoved down a path we do not want.

So, today we protest our frustration and convey our disagreement with policies and new taxes and programs that it are being presented as what “we” want.  I for one, am tired of being told what is good for me and to just shut up, sit back and agree with those that do NOT represent my views, despite what they seem to believe.  I’m angry with the bail-outs that were passed “for our own good” even though the public outrage and opinion showed that Americans were soundly against their passage.

Washington and those currently in office better pay attention to what is being expressed by the people that have elected them as our representatives.  If they are smart, they will not put spin on it or tell us once again what they think we meant to say rather than listening to what we are actually SAYING to them.  This is a warning shot for those coming up for re-election that we the people, are paying attention and are discontented with their actions and disregard for what we think.

So, exercise your right to be heard.  Even if you believe no one is listening, it is a sure bet that you won’t be heard if you don’t even try.  In the past few election cycles it has vividly been shown that even a few individual votes do indeed count.  If you choose to sit on your backside, then don’t complain when you are not “bailed out” like the major corporations or fall through the cracks when you thought you’d be saved from your responsibilities and allowed a free pass.

Wake up and smell the tea brewing! 

Washington, you are not doing a good job at hearing the people you represent and that elected you.  This is not just a fluke or something that will go away if you put your fingers in your collective ears and cover your eyes.  To even give the impression, whether accurate or not, that the views of your constituents are falling on deaf ears would be a mistake if you wish to continue to serve the people that elected you.  Change is indeed brewing in this country, although I’m not sure that it’s quite the change the current administration envisioned.  I beg you, do not make the mistake of dismissing or alienating what is becoming a larger and larger section of the American people clammering to be heard..

On another little, purely personal note, I know that the original Tea Party was located in Boston in 1773.  However, we in the South know the TRUE value of tea.  Look in any refrigerator in a true Southern household, and you will find a gallon or two (or four) of the best SWEET tea that you’ll ever taste.  I know that the Yankees amongst us (hear that oh stoic one?), don’t recognize the simple indulgent pleasure in a glass of sweet tea and insist that having sugar on the table will somehow negate the fact that your restaurants don’t have it available on your menus up North.  You just don’t know what you’re missing.  Perhaps it’s why Southerners always have a smile on their face and something to say to everyone, even making actual eye contact as we do!!  We’re just infused with sweetness from birth through our tea! 😉

So, today in Atlanta, our tea party will have sweet tea flowing freely and our voices as proud Americans will be heard loud and clear.  The only question is, will those in Washington be smart enough to pay attention and react by rethinking some of their proposed actions?

Time will tell.  One thing is certain, ignoring it or making light of such a large group of Americans discontent would be foolish and ill-advised on their part.

 

“We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.”  Thomas Jefferson

 

**The DHS bulletin released or “conveniently leaked” on April 7th is troubling in the fact that it seems to be a not so subtle hint that our freedom of speech is being threatened at least by threat of intimidation and at worst incrimination.  We all need to pay attention and be vigilant of such veiled threats against our freedoms.

Stomping Our Feet And Pitching a Fit..That’ll Teach ‘Em!!

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The world has watched for weeks as North Korea has done exactly as it said it was going to do.  Thanks to the obtrusive capabilities that Google Earth now provides us all to spy on cheating spouses and now Communist countries, even Joe Schmo could peek in on all the activity on the launching pad halfway around the world.

They said they were going to send a “communication satellite” into space.  They hauled out a rocket.  They fueled it.  The world watched and used their “serious” words to tell them not to do it.  President Obama and Secretary Clinton shook their fingers and stomped their feet in our stead, promising all sorts of dire consequences if North Korea stood by their word and dared to actually do what they said they were going to do.  We all watched and waited and whined.  China stood by figuratively giggling at the comotion and impotent threats from the “super powers” and chose to do nothing to intervene.

Yet on Sunday morning, amidst all the tempest in a teapot, North Korea made good on their word.  They did exactly what they said they were going to do and launched their new playtoy for all the world to see, effectively thumbing their nose at all the other kids on the playground.  They provided the potential buyers for their wares, any potential future terrorists (oh, excuse me, the bringers of man-caused disasters), a wonderful demonstration of the viability of their product. 

While the world watched and whined.  Our President promised a STERN united international response.  (What would that be, yet another visit to the UN’s dreaded “Time Out Chair?”)

A lot of good that did.   Somehow I get the feeling that there was no shaking in their collective boots going on.  The North Koreans proved once again today that they are better at playing chicken than we are.

Our President today got up in front of his teleprompter and fired off a very stern lecture toward the North Korean government.  He raged and promised that the UN was going to hear about this!! (shouldn’t they already have known all about it?)  He declared that this will not be tolerated. Of course that statement is like closing the barn door after the horse is running for the hills.  It doesn’t have to be tolerated, it’s already done. 

The North Koreans today put into practice what many people spout off as rhetoric.  They showed in graphic form that it is easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.  The only caveat to that is, of course, they don’t plan to ask for forgiveness.  They simply intend to thumb their nose at the rest of the world and do as they please.  A few more ineffective sanctions from the UN aren’t going to deter or even make them think twice the next time they plan to behave badly.

I will admit that one thing President Obama said today was very true.  He declared as he did often on the campaign trail as well, that “Words matter”.

Indeed they do.  North Korea took that phrase to heart and demonstrated it in no uncertain terms.

They said they were going to launch their rocket, and today, they did.

Who is standing by their words now?  The North Koreans that did what they said they were going to do and carried through or the rest of the world issuing their stern warnings and impotent sanctions yet again? 

Unfortunately for us all, the question is a no-brainer and the majority is proving to be the ones drawing the short stick.

Heaven forbid we hurt any feelings or actually take a stand.

To do so would denote that a strength of spirit and will  is still alive and well in the United States of America.  We can’t have that anymore, now can we?

Thursday’s Totally Tawdry, Tacky, Titillating & Tempting Tidbits

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It’s a rainy Thursday here in Georgia and as I peruse the latest headlines, it seems as if absurdity is, as usual,  running rampant.  What would we do without a little comic relief to make the world a little more interesting place to live in? 

Remember, the truth IS truly stranger than fiction!!  (or as we say in the South, “You can’t make this sh*t up!!)

 

One of my favorite stories this week comes from Florida.  A woman called 911 in a panic.  Apparently she locked herself INSIDE her car and was starting to get “all woozie and stuff” because it was hot and she couldn’t get out.  According to her, the car wouldn’t start and nothing electrical would work!!

I give kudos to the emergency operator for being able to handle this potentially tragic situation without collapsing from laughter.  She managed to guide the poor soul through manually unlocking her door and the woman was able to escape the death trap of her own car!!  Crisis averted!  Start the blonde jokes now, regardless of the color of her hair.

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A totally “normal” gentleman in Britain was caught naked at a beauty spot with a flashlight stuck up his rear. told cops he was DEPRESSED.  Herbert Boothroyd, 61, said he had wanted to “cheer himself up”.  (UP being the operative word)  As two women passed, he continued cheering himself UP and waved hello.  He later also exposed himself to two teenage boys as he sat completely naked on a park bench.  Mr. Boothroyd was spared jail time however, because the police say he came clean about having the flashlight and stick up his backside, citing depression as he confessed to his transgressions.  He got probation for 2 years and was ordered to attend a sex offenders group. 

Personally I think he should have been banned from hardware stores as well.  He seems to take the term “hardware” to a whole ‘nother level of interpretation.  Something like a kid in a candy store perhaps?  No telling what he might find to relieve himself next time he’s a bit down in the dumps.  (pun intended)

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Back we go to Florida for another sign of the dumbing down of society in general.  In the town of Umatilla, a 37 year old woman was arrested after being accused of beating her 69 year old boyfriend in the head while he was in the shower.  According to the police report, the boyfriend was taking a shower at the Umatilla home when Sandy Jo ripped the shower curtain off the rod and began screaming at him, accusing him of having an affair with another woman.  He didn’t report the incident for a couple of days (ummm..perhaps because he had been beaten up by a girl AND caught having an affair??)  As she was taken off to jail, Sandy Jo said she should have hit him harder and was going to get even with him for cheating AND for having her arrested.

I’m betting Viagra had a little something to do with a 69 year old male not only playing house with a psychotic 37 year old, but also feeling cocky enough to bump boots with another woman as well.  Moral of the story?  Don’t come home drinking and cheatin’ with lovin’ on your mind!  (Or take a shower without an armed guard)

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 It seems as if there has to be a condition or acronym for everything these days.  Apparently it’s not good enough anymore to be a nymphomaniac, now you have PSAS or as it’s more commonly known, Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome.  Men, I’m sorry, you can’t claim this syndrome, it’s exclusively a woman thing (as if we need one more thing!)  Of course, I’m sure men everywhere will now try to benefit and form support groups to “comfort” and be there for any woman afflicted with this condition.  Y’all are good like that.

This alarming condition (that wasn’t “discovered” until 1991?)  is one that causes some women to live perpetually at the brink of orgasm.  I saw it described as absolutely “nightmarish”,  I guess by the women, but I suppose the men that had to service them might find it a bit taxing at times too.  I have a hard time thinking that the men would describe it as a nightmare..maybe a dream cum true instead?

Two thoughts come to mind…well, to MY mind anyway. 

One,  maybe the men that take Viagra and have the dreaded erections that last for more than 4 hours (or priapism) should be matched with women that “suffer” from PSAS.  Problem solved. 

Two, if you have this condition, I’d buy stock in the Dollar Tree.  Just the “up” surge in battery sales from taking care of this would ensure a massive rise in their bottom line!   In both cases, my ideas would at the very least keep  everyone going and going and going! 😉

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The much maligned Washington, DC school districts are not doing their own image any good.   They just can’t help shooting themselves in the foot.  Oh wait though, aren’t guns outlawed in DC?  I digress, back to the school system.

The school board came out this week with new tougher guidelines for the school dress code.  They REALLY mean it this time too!  Are they bringing in school uniforms?  Oh no!  Hats, see-through clothes and accessories with protruding metal spikes are some of the items that are prohibited in the expanded policies. The new policy does NOT however, allow officials to suspend students who do not comply.   Boy, that’s a policy with bite huh??

They did also say that school officials should be prepared to provide extra clothes for those that cannot afford new ones.  It specifies that it should be “gender neutral” clothing. 

Personally I’m thinking if anyone wears clothes with metal spikes or that is see through, they should be REQUIRED to wear gender opposite clothing and be on display.  A day of cross dressing just might make them think twice about their outfits in the future.   On second thought, with today’s teenagers, it might start a trend.  Never mind.

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With the world economy in the state it’s in, this story is absolutely “heartwarming” to those of us with college age kids.   Colleges in the South have always been notoriously competitive.  Everyone knows that you don’t mess with the SEC when it comes to college football!! 

Alabama and Auburn are fighting for the title of most likely to raise tuition this year. 

Auburn trustees announced that they spent $500,000 this fiscal year to fly administrators and trustees on their TWO private corporate jets to wherever the heck they flew them to. (Important football games and such I’m sure) 

Alabama couldn’t quite match their feat.  They only have one jet (must be because football probation cut into their income the past few years), so they were only able to waste…ummmm, spend…30,500 in travel and their trustees were rarely on board for any flights.

These are two universities we are trusting to turn out the future fiscally responsible leaders for the coming years.  With these stellar examples being set by their bastions of higher education, what could go wrong??

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 Last but certainly not least, a little advice for the men from a couple of newly completed studies that have recently published their results.  (I can’t believe our tax money actually pays for some of this)  Okay, here we go…

First..if you’re bald, there is now proof that you aren’t scoring as often as your counterparts with hair.  MEN with a full head of hair are five times more likely to get a date than those who are thinning on top, a study shows. 

This study was conducted by posting identical profiles on an online dating site where the only difference was the photo of the male.  One photo showed a male with a full head of hair, the other with the same male sans hair.  Over the next two months, the profile with hair received 108 replies, while the bald counterpart only had 22 responses.  An expert in such things has suggested that it might be attributed to the fact that hair is associated in nature and history with virility.  (think Samson in the Bible)  Take it with a grain of salt (or a wig)

Study #2 pertains to a sense of humor.  Having trouble getting the ladies to fall into your bed?  Try cracking a few jokes!!  I kid you not!!! (nudge, nudge…get it??). 

It has been shown and allegedly proven (at least a time or two) that funny men laugh ladies into bed because they’re seen as ‘more intelligent’.  A study has found that a sense of humor “makes men seem more intelligent, trustworthy, and a better bet for a relationship”.  Imagine that! 

Personal ads were drawn up for the study and women were asked to rate them and choose the men they would most likely answer or want to date.  The men that showed a sense of humor in their ads were rated as more intelligent, despite the fact that the ads contained no clues as to their IQ.  They were also seen as more honest and better material for a relationship and for friendship.

 

So, in closing…I conclude that all is not lost for anyone that might be starting to thin on top or be completely bald.  The answer is obvious!  If you’re not getting laid, rent some 3 Stooges videos and brush up on your yuck (as in HA, HA) factor. (as opposed to an actual yuck, stalkerish or unfaithful qualities of course, those personality quirks just might get you arrested or beaten up by your girlfriend rather than laid ..reference story #1)  I’m thinking that sense of humor would trump the bald study thingy hands down.  Problem solved for all!

 Hmmmm…maybe I should receive a grant for doing a remarkably exhaustive “study” and giving such sage excellent advice that solves all of our dating woes!!  After all, I’m worth it! 

 

This concludes our Thursday Totally Tawdy, Tacky, Titillating & Tempting Tidbits for this week. 

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Let Me Be Clear…As Mud

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“Let me be clear, the government has no interest in running GM or the car industry. The government has no intention of running GM.”

Translation:  Well, other than firing the CEO, telling them what to cars to make, mandating a merger with an overseas company, having government backed warranties and withholding any more funds if you don’t do everything we tell you to do, the way we tell you to do it…we won’t be running the car industry.  Of course none of that would fall into the category of full oversight of the company, does it?

As a country, we have been edging down a slippery slope for weeks now.  The pace is picking up and we are now starting a full blown slide down said slope and straight to hell in a handbasket.  The question many of us are starting to have is, where will it all end?  Will it end at all or is this just beginning of a fundamental change in our country and of the constitution set up to define it.  We are approaching or already in very dangerous territory and not even pretending to tread lightly anymore.

The firing (okay, technically if we use the administration’s current wordplay game of semantics, the “strong suggestion that he should step aside”) of GM CEO Rick Wagoner today signals a shot across the bow to American companies, both private and public.  If you accept or are forced into taking government funds, your job security is now dependant on the whim of those in Washington.  We are putting CEO’s and boards of companies, private and public alike, on notice.  If the powers that be don’t agree with the way you run your business, with the products you produce or in your plans to restructure the company, all bets are off.  You can now be taken over by the federal government.

There is a lot of blame/credit to go around on every side.  This is not a partisan issue.   In the car industry and large financial firms especially, the rousing battle cry of a company being “too big to fail” is what caused a lot of the chaos we have gone through and have yet to experience.  That premise has proven to be a fallacy in thinking.  In the case of GM and AIG in particular, after sinking billions upon billions of dollars into the death stars of these corporations, the only option for GM still may be to declare bankruptcy and restructure as they should have months ago.  AIGwas the poster child for public outcry last week as Congress on both sides of the aisle, whipped up outrage and mob mentality as a means of diversion over bonuses that were paid.  The only problem was, many of those so outraged in the Administration, Congress and the Treasury Department, knew of the bonuses to come ahead of time and tacitly signed off on them weeks before they were given out.   When the constituency was paying attention and started an outcry, then the backpedaling and un-constitutional passage of a tax bill by the House occurred.  Bus tours were arranged by an offshoot of ACORN to intimidate executives scared for their families to give back money that everyone in power knew they were going to receive.

Over the past 2 to 3 decades, we have all experienced and enjoyed the times of excess run amok in our society.  Many of us learned to live above our means rather than to stay within our attainable financial boundaries.  We became spoiled and used to having all we needed or being able to attain it through credit lines that freely flowed.  We had a false sense of security and thought our lives would never change.

Corporations in America and around the world were no different.  As long as the profits were flowing in, everyone prospered and took full advantage of the times.  The fat cats lived high on the hog and every angle was worked to it’s full advantage even by the most casual investor.  We were told that the Stock Market was golden and the only way to go in saving for retirement was through our 401 K’s.

Then things ground to a halt.  The market started the plummet to half it’s former glory.  Credit dried up.  Everyone panicked.  The world markets also started to show the cracks that had been hidden for years.  Jobs were slashed at an alarming rate even in industries that had been considered untouchable in the past.  Spending, by necessity, also had to be curtailed as we all learned our lives as we had been living them, had changed.

As in any situation, as we are finding out, if you put a harsh light on a problem, it’s many imperfections and flaws start to show.  Many of the companies that for years appeared to be bastions of stability, have been revealed to have been concealing many fissures and fatal flaws that were allowed to get worse over many years.  Any  house of cards, when it gets high enough, will tumble to the ground if the underlying structure is not sound.  Tumble we did and we are still in free fall.

So with today’s actions, not only was free enterprise and capitalism put on notice in America, we as citizens were too.  If we are smart, we will sit up and take notice and continue to pay attention to each little bit of control being given over to the government.  The bits and pieces of what are seemingly small things right now, will start to add up.  Left unchecked, we will surely look back in a few years and wonder where our country and freedoms went.

 

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.”  Lord Acton, 1887

Thursday’s Typically Tawdry, Tacky & Tempting Tidbits

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Totally random thoughts from my Thursday…a few news stories worthy of mention (and ridicule).  My mind tends to see the world a little differently at times.  And away we go…the best of today’s wacky and bizarre…

 

At last!! Men everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief with bathing suit season fast approaching!! Remember that episode of Seinfeld when George Costanza is changing out of his swimsuit, and a girl he’s interested in accidentally walks in and laughs, because he’s suffered a little post-pool shriveling? “Shrinkage”…the age old problem where guys worry about their manhood looking less than impressive after taking a swim might finally be solved. Enter the “Rooster Booster”…a $25 Lycra bathing suit with a pocket in the crotch where a guy inserts a breathable foam padding. The manufacturer claims it not only guards against shrinkage, it also keeps a man warm in a spot where he never wants to feel ice cold. It did not say whether or not it solved the age old question of “does this suit make my butt look big?”. 

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Teachers want to be allowed to carry guns in school?? Ummmm, HELLO!!…half of us are PMS’ing at the same time and most of the time should have a Valium salt lick in the teacher’s lounge just to get through the day and now some teachers want to pack heat? (btw, I prefer to cause heat, not pack heat) Does anyone else see a problem with this? It WOULD however, put a whole new spin on time out or 5 minutes on the fence. Parents get pissed off if we take recess away, imagine what they’d do if we started shooting up the school. Why, we might REALLY get fussed at then!! *rolling my eyes* Not to mention that most of us can’t see straight without our reading glasses, we’d be shooting each other or our own foot!

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As the mother of a teenaged daughter who is, of course, immersed in the “Twilight” hoopla, I found this little tidbit to be funny.  After stories spread that vampires were strolling the campus of Boston Latin School, the headmaster of the prestigious college-prep school put a stake in the rumors. Lynne Mooney Teta sent a notice out Thursday to faculty, students, and parents denying the presence of bloodsuckers. She declined, however, to offer details about the rumors.  Boston Police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said police were called to the school Wednesday after hearing of the vampire tales. Chrispin said he didn’t know if the alleged vampires were among the student body or hiding in old corners of the building.

The school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, Louis Farrakhan, and Sumner Redstone.  Hmmmm…Louis Farrakhan AND Ben Franklin??  Maybe given that Farrakhan attended the school, perhaps they mistook vampires for little green men.  I do find it hilarious that the police actually investigated the allegations..probably to appease anxious parents that didn’t want all that private school tuition to go to waste!

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In a new survey released recently, it has been discovered that those over 50 are more likely to have sex on the first date than those under 40. We needed a survey to tell us this?? It further went on to say that half of the older age group rated lust and passion as MORE important than marriage. Nearly 40 per cent of over-50s would sleep with a partner on a first meeting compared with just 18 per cent of under 40s. The under 30s may feel they invented sexual liberation, but it was the baby-boomer generation that staged the first summer of love..more than 40 years ago. Let the good times roll! Could this be one reason “use it or lose it” cums to mind? *wink*

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Scientists now say a crappy marriage can be bad for your heart. Personally, I think it’s pretty bad for your libido, penis or tunnel of love as well. Could explain some of the results of the over 50 sex on the first date thingy too, don’t ‘cha think??

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Children, especially girls, may be more likely to have sex before the age of 14 if they have been verbally abused by teachers, a new study suggests. Researchers found children at elementary school who were shouted at, harshly criticized or embarrassed by teachers in the classroom had an increased risk of early sexual intercourse. (Tell me again, why we pay for all these “valuable” studies??) Okay, so it now appears that there is yet one more thing you can blame on teachers. If your daughter (or on occasion, a son) turns out to be a slut..it’s the TEACHER’S fault..it certainly couldn’t be attributed your bad parenting or lack of attention to your child. Next they will want us to pay child support if their little darlin’s end up getting pregnant as teens. Lord knows, teachers should be the ones building up their self-esteem, not their actual parents. To hell with learning…instead, let’s cut all that silly stuff out in favor of taking tests that induce only stress and don’t really measure learning, coddling their egos and raising the kids everyone else has. THAT’S what going to college for those education degrees was really for..becoming pseudo parents and babysitters!

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Do you know there is an actual official National Mistress Day?  It’s the day that straying husbands and boyfriends set aside for the ‘other woman’.  Aptly, it falls on February 13th, the day before the national Hallmark conceived day of romance, Valentine’s Day.  SO, it seems the mistresses get ahead (so to speak 😉 ) of the wives once again and sneak in first for a little romance.  Learn something new every day!  I wonder if there’s a special greeting or thank you card especially for the occasion?

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A minor league baseball team is going to offer a 4,800 calorie hamburger as part of it’s stadium fare this season.  The pot belly behemoth extravaganza weights a whooping 4 pounds and consists of:  5 beef patties, 5 slices of cheese, a cup of chili, salsa, and corn chips slathered on an eight inch sesame seed bun.  This wonderful example of gluttony gone amok will cost the bargain price of $20.  If you have the courage (or stupidity) to try and down this big boy all by yourself in one sitting, you receive a special t-shirt…One that you can wear in the ambulance as you are stroking out and on the way to the hospital!!

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The news was released earlier this week during the launch of the Space Shuttle, that the first Japanese astronaut to live aboard the International Space Station will be doing an important scientific experiment, the likes of which have never been imagined before.  Koichi Wakata will be testing a new brand of stink free underwear!!  Let’s hope for the sake of everyone aboard the station, that this experiment is a success or phew wee!!  Just think of the implications gentlemen!  All that silly stuff about doing your laundry or doing the “sniff test” on things to find out how many more days you can get out of your unmentionables…you’ll always be as fresh as a daisy!  Now, if they can just do something about that little skid mark problem that men tend to have and overlook as they grunt and pound their chests.

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And to almost end up my mental ramblings of the bizarre day…it seems that ovulating strippers receive larger tips. It appears that women subtly signal when they are most fertile, although just how they do it is not clear. In the case of lap dancers, I’m guessing the extra “umph” in their gyrations just might trigger the bigger tips..along with triggering other things.  

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Last, but certainly not least…A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison. With a car wash vacuum?  Seriously???  Good heavens, I don’t think I can use them to clean out my car again without pulling on rubber gloves.  Safe sex indeed.   Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing. (oh really, ya think?)  The 29-year-old from Michigan, was sentenced Wednesday at Saginaw County Circuit Court.  Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.  Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity (I’d say having your love sword stuck in a vacuum hose just might be a TAD suspicious) at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.  I’m guessing that the 90 days in prison might bring a different kind of gratification for Mr. Savage.  

 

 

Okay..I’m done for now. Feel free to carry on with whatever you were doing. If this had been a real emergency of an over-abundance of stupidity taking over the world (yet), you would have been directed where to go and what to do. *grin*

 

Personally, I think we need to be doing the “Here’s your sign” a bit more often.  There seems to be an increasing lack of common sense amongst us.  The inmates are taking over the asylum.