Posts tagged ‘Free thinking’

You Can’t Hurry Love



As the song says, “Will you still love me tomorrow?”

The answer to that question will always be a resounding NO if you insist on hurrying through the process of failing in love or settle for less than what trips your trigger.

What do you want?  Easy and sleezy or long and lasting?  It’s up to you.

I know this will come as a great shock, but I’m no expert on love. Lord knows, even at my age, I still find I have much to learn when it comes to something that is, according to the powers that be, supposed to be naturally occurring phenomenon.

Visit any bookstore and you’ll find there are aisles and aisles of books devoted to love and all its possible outcomes and consequences. Books that tell you how to find your soul mate, how to make sure you’re irresistible to them by re-inventing yourself, how you should feel and how to manipulate a potential mate into acting the way you think they should act…crowd each aisle.

Then there are the myriad of books that tell you how to have every sort of sex act imaginable, a few of which are actually possible, and also contain do-it-yourself-er advice for the “handy” men and women amongst us (wouldn’t that be the epitome a “self-help” manual? Just a thought. *batting my eyes*) 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t physical pleasures be something that is effortless with a true mate or someone you love and trust?  WHY do we spend so much money attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole, metaphorically speaking. *wink* If you need a little “pick-me-up”, your own imagination should do just fine without someone else instructing you step by step on how to make a chocolate mold of your stud muffin’s willie simply in order to spice up a love life.  Rely on your own intuition. 

As you progress on to the next aisle, you’ll discover books and advice on how to fix the relationship you’ve already managed to break, neglect or screw up.  You can  continue on and pursue books that also tell you how to find out if the love of your life is cheating on you by putting on your detective hat and trench coat.  Heaven knows, trust is a bygone character trait in our society today. 

Last but not least, comes the section on how to take the person to which you pledged your heart and soul, to the cleaners or exact revenge for whatever pain you’re now experiencing. Who said that romance is dead?? Heck, you can buy the magic spells for guaranteed romance for the bargain price of $19.95 at Books a Million. What a deal!!

Is it any wonder we’re floundering and confused?  If we so called adults are acting like irresponsible teenagers in heat without a clue, heaven help the teenagers we’re responsible for raising and teaching such things.

When I wander around on online, it seems that there are so many people that are determined, come hell or high water, to fall in love. They plan for it. They advertise for it. They bemoan the fact that no one is falling under their spell. They finally decide, after a whole week or two of looking, to settle on something close to what they might actually want in a mate.

We want everything in our lives to be quick and easy..shake and bake. Women hear their clock ticking or don’t want to be labeled as an Old Maid or spinster..and men want to be taken care of or take care of someone to feel vital and not be labeled as “funny” by great aunt Marge when she discusses with the family why you can’t find a bride or have a woman stay with you.

Now keeping in mind that I’ve already confessed to not being Dr. Laura or Dear Abby or Dr. Phil, real love just isn’t that easy to find and can’t be forced into your time frame or specifications. IF you feel the urge coming over you to rationalize what you’re willing to do so that you’re not lonely anymore…get a grip. LOVE shouldn’t be rational. It can’t be arranged or planned for, and if it can be…then again, it’s not LOVE. 

Love is also messy and emotional (isn’t that the point?). You WILL cry over someone that you love. It is guaranteed we will all say or do the wrong thing at some time in a relationship. Ladies, all the platitudes we’re fed like…”No man worthwhile will make you cry” is bunk. Of COURSE worthwhile men will occasionally make us cry (or we’ll do it to ourselves by over-thinking or over-reacting)…if you don’t ever cry or fight or get upset in a relationship, then one or both of you just isn’t fully involved emotionally in said relationship. It’s benign and stagnant and will ultimately leave you bored and dissatisfied or as lonely as when you really were by yourself and alone.  The only difference being, you’re now alone where it counts, on the inside, while pretending to be part of a couple.

There are so many people rushing into real life meetings or falling in love after a couple of long conversations online with a total stranger. I hate to burst your bubble, but that’s not love. It might be the first stirrings of lust or interest, but it sure as hell isn’t love and if you rush into things, it will end badly. What’s the hurry anyway? IF it’s something destined to be important to you both and lasting, time will enhance the connection, not diminish it. You need to learn about the other person, experience them, make sure they are who they say they are. By the same token, you have to learn to not hold back as well…to give them even the parts of yourself you might not be proud of, rather than only showing your good side or what you think they are looking for.

If you don’t know their middle name, their birthday…the names of their children if they have them, where they were born or have heard about their parents or siblings, you don’t know them. Do you know their favorite movies, who gave them their first kiss, the foods they hate or summer jobs they had growing up? Little details that aren’t only lust or physically related, start to round out a person. You need long conversations on the phone so you can hear their voice, the pitch of their laugh…talking about all sorts of subjects from politics to nonsense. You need to not only be focused on finding out what turns them on or the size of their ummm…attributes, but instead find out if you really like the person as well as lust after them.

Yes, attraction is key to a relationship, but it’s just the icebreaker. If you’re looking for more than a quick roll in the hay that hopefully ONLY leaves you upset when it’s over (and without complications such as disease or a stalker or a new addition to the family), dare to look deeper and take your time if you want any chance at a lasting friendship with someone that is also your lover and one day maybe a lifelong partner.

None of us wants or likes to be lonely, it sucks to deal with things on our own all the time, be the fixer, or feel as if the weight of the world is always on our shoulders. We’re all searching for contact with someone that understands us, makes us feel wanted and needed. It doesn’t get any easier with maturity and age, in fact..I think it gets tougher. The players have refined their game by then and it’s hard to tell the good humans from the ones that talk a good game, male or female. Most of us have had relationships that have changed us in some way, at times hurtful ways that leave behind emotional scars that anyone new in our lives will have to understand and find ways over walls we may have built to protect ourselves. We’re more scared to fail or get hurt again. None of this is insurmountable.

Listen to your head and heart, not only your “happy spots” of bodily lust, when you meet someone that makes you take notice. Sex is easy, love takes effort and thought.  Use your brain, but at the same time, let yourself dream of possibilities. When you’ve been hurt, let yourself heal…but don’t close yourself off, none of us can live our lives in a vacuum.

It’s best to wait for the one you want than to settle for the one who’s available. Best to wait for the one you love than settle for the one who’s around. Best to wait for the right one because life is too short to be wasted with the wrong person, hoping they will change into what you want or need…hoping that magic pixie dust will make you happy.

Live, Learn, Love…and have fun doing it.



~True love cannot be defined by any means. It is a cluster of adjectives. It’s crazy, passionate, complicated, painful, but most importantly, true love is real. It’s that feeling of being inexplicably drawn to another person. Love isn’t finding someone who you can escape reality with, it’s finding someone who makes reality worthwhile.~

Bad Moon Rising

Full Moon

On the way home tonight, the feeling in the air was unmistakable. 

The breeze was warm and the sky was filled with a bright full moon speckled with spotty clouds drifting over it..almost obscuring it from view for a few minutes before it would once again illuminate the night sky. 

I’m a totally rational female (telling the CT Yankee to shush, we can’t all be as stoic as you are..and the term “rational female” is NOT an oxymoron!) most of the time, almost too much so on some the point of being too serious.  Yet, as the years are passing by, I find that I have opened my mind to more possibilities than those that are easily proven by science or logic.  I’ve come to the conclusion that there are so many things in heaven and earth we will never fully understand the purpose of, but instead we will just have to feel or take on faith as valid life lessons when events happen…with no rhyme or reason or proof provided.

I was brought up with a deep seated faith that to this day is a basic part of who I am.  I have an abiding confidence and take comfort in the knowledge each and every day that a greater power created us all and watches over us..guides us.  Those feelings, that absolute certainty, serves me well as I navigate through any uncertain times in my life or when the world becomes a scary place.

That said, my mind has also expanded to include the possibilities of things…influences in our environment, that affect our lives.  Things that can’t be proven or touched, but are there nonetheless.  Do I live my life based on what my horoscope tells me?  Of course not.  Do I have a healthy curiosity and allow for the possibility that there are many things we do not know or understand the mechanics behind it all in this world that will influence our lives and the events in our lives? Do I choose to investigate all the different nuances that might affect our time on this earth?  Yes I do. 

A man that I respect and adore…and who tends to be more stoically rational than anyone in Connecticut is (which is saying a lot since they don’t tend to be quite as we are down South)…believes in ghosts.  I figure if he can believe in ghosts, then I can allow for the premise that the moon and stars affect our moods and at times the events that occur due to those changes. 

So, with that in mind..tonight’s full moon stuck with me.  The song “Bad Moon Rising” by Creedence Clearwater Revivial immediately came to mind in conjunction with the current mood in the nation and the events of the past few months.  As a teacher and flight attendant, I will swear..even though there is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove it that I’m aware of..that behavior changes during the time around a full moon.  At school you can feel the extra energy of the kids and the almost manic need to be moving all the time…a lack of concentration occurs.  In the air, the planes and airports are filled with impatient people.  Passengers are more on edge and more likely to be aggressive in both anger and in the way they will pursue the opposite sex.

I’ve been observing the behavior of myself and others around full moons all my life. I’m pretty sure I was born on a full moon. I am convinced that people go a little crazy around those times. The week or so leading up to the full moon feels literally like a rising tide of emotion…people get a bit jumpy, things seem more dramatic. I drink more caffeine, sleep less, talk faster and dream more. I’ve even been known to go shopping, to a movie or sit at the edge of the water at midnight on the evening of a full moon.

Since the full moon shining down on me this particular evening seemed to somehow make me a little more anxious and a little more reflective..I decided to do a little research (yes, I was geeky before geeky was cool) and see what I could come up with.  What I discovered was very interesting given the world events of the past year.  The moon is in my sign (Virgo) tonight and here’s what I uncovered…

The Full Moon in Virgo on March 10, 2009 clashes with Saturn in Virgo and Uranus in Pisces, prompting a battle between security and change. Throughout the week, this unsettling influence will reignite the stressful Saturn-Uranus opposition that took place in February 2009 and November 2008 (and will occur again in September).  

If you’ll remember, last February and November is when the U.S. financial markets tanked to new lows. And of course, February marked the launch of the gargantuan United States stimulus bill. Change was in the air (and still is), along with a widespread escalation of fear about the economy. Fortunately, Uranus, the planet of upheaval, and Saturn, the planet of materialism, have moved apart somewhat, but this month’s Full Moon will draw them together energetically to challenge our comfort zones again.

Full Moons are notorious for heightening emotionalism, and this one may be particularly rocky, especially for Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces. So try not to overreact to whatever situations you find yourself in, and take some quiet time to get centered if you feel overwhelmed. Think before you speak or react to situations.

Most importantly, this is a wake-up call. Change (Uranus) opposing the status quo (Saturn) is a necessary step in freeing ourselves of restrictions and outmoded ways of doing things. You may want to ask yourself  how this cosmic “battle” mirrors your own fears about change, and then work through whatever feelings come up for you.

It’s all about freedom – and intent. Uranus in Pisces illuminates the spiritual principals of attracting what you focus on. It’s not about denying what you’re feeling, but if you can also visualize (vividly!) a better tomorrow for yourself, your community, your country and the world, it will come to pass, step by step…if you work to make it happen.

I found all of this to be very interesting, especially given the circumstances we all find surrounding us in society today.  Do I plan to change the way I live my life because of the information I discovered?  Of course not.  When the course of my life changes, it happens because I make informed decisions and at times simply have to operate and react on faith and intuition…so far that way of  living and reacting has served me well over the years.  It’s also true though, that it’s part of my general personality to always want to have all the information I can gather to make the best decisions I can.  I’m a “thinker” by nature.  I enjoy the exercise of stretching my brain and have been known to frequently tell my students that I want to learn something new each and every day of my life.  Knowledge is indeed power.

In a time where there is so much world uncertainty about the economy, our jobs, the direction of our country and our very future..I believe it’s a good thing to allow for the things we can’t see or touch or explain away with logic.  The planetary pull does affect our world, that is a scientific fact.  The tides rise and fall due to gravity.  The sighting of a probable comet as a star guiding the Three Wise Men was written to herald the birth of Jesus in the Bible.  Asteroids have been assumed to have caused havoc with our world’s development and climate when they crashed to earth over our history.  The night sky has long been a source of mystery and literally a provider of guidance to destinations as travelers and explorers from Magellan forward looked to the heavens to find their course. 

Given all of this..who am I to dismiss what might be?


~”There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. “

– Shakespeare (Hamlet)~