You Are Cordially Invited to a Tea Party

There is an interesting phenomenon going on throughout our country today.  In ways not seen on this scale since the war protests of the 70’s, people are showing our government that they are fed up.  Americans young and old are sending the message loud and clear that we are tapped out as a nation and weary of yet more restrictions, bail-outs and tax burdens being heaped upon our shoulders and those of our future generations.

It is not a partisan effort, despite what the ultra-left wing branch of the Democratic party would lead you to believe.  There are Republicans, Democrats and Independents alike participating in this show of outrage and frustration.  We are exercising our Constitutional rights as Americans, whatever our political affiliations might be, to assembly and free speech.  We are, as a people, sending a message that while we respect the office of the President, many of us grow increasingly unhappy with the direction the country is being guided or shoved down a path we do not want.

So, today we protest our frustration and convey our disagreement with policies and new taxes and programs that it are being presented as what “we” want.  I for one, am tired of being told what is good for me and to just shut up, sit back and agree with those that do NOT represent my views, despite what they seem to believe.  I’m angry with the bail-outs that were passed “for our own good” even though the public outrage and opinion showed that Americans were soundly against their passage.

Washington and those currently in office better pay attention to what is being expressed by the people that have elected them as our representatives.  If they are smart, they will not put spin on it or tell us once again what they think we meant to say rather than listening to what we are actually SAYING to them.  This is a warning shot for those coming up for re-election that we the people, are paying attention and are discontented with their actions and disregard for what we think.

So, exercise your right to be heard.  Even if you believe no one is listening, it is a sure bet that you won’t be heard if you don’t even try.  In the past few election cycles it has vividly been shown that even a few individual votes do indeed count.  If you choose to sit on your backside, then don’t complain when you are not “bailed out” like the major corporations or fall through the cracks when you thought you’d be saved from your responsibilities and allowed a free pass.

Wake up and smell the tea brewing! 

Washington, you are not doing a good job at hearing the people you represent and that elected you.  This is not just a fluke or something that will go away if you put your fingers in your collective ears and cover your eyes.  To even give the impression, whether accurate or not, that the views of your constituents are falling on deaf ears would be a mistake if you wish to continue to serve the people that elected you.  Change is indeed brewing in this country, although I’m not sure that it’s quite the change the current administration envisioned.  I beg you, do not make the mistake of dismissing or alienating what is becoming a larger and larger section of the American people clammering to be heard..

On another little, purely personal note, I know that the original Tea Party was located in Boston in 1773.  However, we in the South know the TRUE value of tea.  Look in any refrigerator in a true Southern household, and you will find a gallon or two (or four) of the best SWEET tea that you’ll ever taste.  I know that the Yankees amongst us (hear that oh stoic one?), don’t recognize the simple indulgent pleasure in a glass of sweet tea and insist that having sugar on the table will somehow negate the fact that your restaurants don’t have it available on your menus up North.  You just don’t know what you’re missing.  Perhaps it’s why Southerners always have a smile on their face and something to say to everyone, even making actual eye contact as we do!!  We’re just infused with sweetness from birth through our tea! 😉

So, today in Atlanta, our tea party will have sweet tea flowing freely and our voices as proud Americans will be heard loud and clear.  The only question is, will those in Washington be smart enough to pay attention and react by rethinking some of their proposed actions?

Time will tell.  One thing is certain, ignoring it or making light of such a large group of Americans discontent would be foolish and ill-advised on their part.

 

“We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.”  Thomas Jefferson

 

**The DHS bulletin released or “conveniently leaked” on April 7th is troubling in the fact that it seems to be a not so subtle hint that our freedom of speech is being threatened at least by threat of intimidation and at worst incrimination.  We all need to pay attention and be vigilant of such veiled threats against our freedoms.

These Are The Good Ole Days

 

Anticipation.

 

Function: noun
1 the act of looking forward; especially : pleasurable expectation
2 visualization of a future event or state

 

These are just a couple of the benign definitions of the word “anticipation”, the clinical version of the word. We learn from an early age to anticipate events in our lives, both good and bad. We start to look forward in life and not backward. Some indications you’re anticipating something special are universal.  That sensation when you feel butterflies in your stomach, the feeling of being on pins and needles..unable to sit still without thought or movement, hoping that time will hurry and pass so that we can get to the “good” stuff, while at the same time praying that time will stand still…we all know the symptoms. I love to enjoy that time and find ways to heighten and savor the curve ahead of a special time.  In doing so, when what I’ve been yearning for so intently is finally happening, it’s not merely good, but spectacular…memorable.

When we are young, we learn to look forward to special treats. Remember the feeling of waking up on a summer’s day and knowing that “sometime” during the course of the afternoon, the ice cream truck might make a trip through your neighborhood? You prepared for it. Made sure that you alerted Mom to the possibility that you’d need money at a moment’s notice. You stayed almost on point, listening for the bell that heralded it’s arrival. You looked forward when you were young to any special treat promised for good behavior. Vacations or trips were planned and before you ever loaded up the car to head out, there had been weeks of preparation and sleepless nights when you absolutely couldn’t wait to leave and get started on your adventure.

If we are really clever, as we get older and travel along life’s paths, we learn how to use anticipation to draw out the time prior to good events we know are upcoming. We use anticipation almost as foreplay in the days leading up to special times we hope to cherish and remember always. We think about what special unexpected things might happen. We ponder the variables that could either enhance or detract from our experience. We dream of what might be, both when we are awake and sleeping. The time seems to crawl, but by the same token…that in itself can be delicious in piquing the senses if done correctly. We anticipate…we feel fully alive. It’s exciting, it’s vital to life itself to look forward to things.

We look forward to our first love, our first kiss. We look forward (hopefully) to our wedding. The birth of our first child is a time of worry, joy and hope.  Those feelings don’t diminish with all the children that follow, they are simply enhanced. We look forward to special vacations, to graduations. We anticipate with excitement and sometimes nervousness our new jobs, new relationships, anniversaries and the promise of a new home .

There are so many things, large and small, in life to look forward to and absolutely savor if we pay attention.  So many events to anticipate if we don’t wish our lives away by hoping that the time we have flies by rather than enjoying the journey to get there.  We need to learn to look at the paths we travel as part of the joy of living, even when times are hard.  Those lessons in anticipating our future and the possibilities it holds are valuable as well.

Some of us remember when Carly Simon brought the word to life in a song. She gave it texture and locked it in our minds, it was a theme song for many teenagers and 20 somethings as to what our lives would hold. (Of course, this was BEFORE the song was forever linked to ketchup slowly oozing it’s way out to give us something thick and tasty to eat…hmmmm, cum to think of it, that IS a great imagery of anticipation! Never mind. *batting my eyes*) Okay, back to my basic point…learn to feel anticipation again.

There are no guarantees in life of how something will turn out, learn to look forward to the possibilities anyway. Keep that childlike magic alive of wanting and yearning for something that is to come so that you don’t grow old and stagnant in your life. Don’t over plan or try to regiment every detail of life as we tend to do as adults.  Instead, try going with the flow and letting your dreams guide you. Take chances and go after the things that are important to you or rare in their occurrence without fear or second guessing.  Even in these difficult times, trust your intuition.

LET yourself feel the butterflies. Be on pins and needles, laugh out loud or share secrets with someone. Beforehand, daydream and “feel” whatever you’re most looking forward to in your most private thoughts. Want it, need it,  and embrace the special time before something special is about to happen, then enjoy the heck out of the actual event. Learn to live in the moment when you can…when the times allow for it, take a few chances. Let go and give yourself permission to reach out and grab what you need or want.

Take time for yourself.  It’s vitally important for both mental and physical health, especially in these trying times.

I know I always will. It’s amazing how time really does fly and the events in life you look forward to, do indeed arrive. Spectacularly.

 

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Anticipation

Carly Simon

 

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I’m really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day

Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting

And I tell you how easy it is to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me.
But I rehearsed those words just late last night
When I was thinking about how right tonight might be

Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting

And tomorrow we might not be together
I’m no prophet and I don’t know natures way
But I’ll try to see into your eyes right now
And stay right here
‘Cause these are the good old days.

Come Play With Me

   

I love to play…

with words. (What did you THINK I was going to say?? I don’t kiss and tell! Well, not the details anyway…but I digress.

Okay, back to the subject at hand. Anyone that really knows me, as well as every student I’ve ever had from kindergarten through high school, has heard me speak often and passionately about the art of using language well. I’ve always had a love affair with words, both in written form and the spoken variety of communication. I firmly believe that if you have a good command of language that the world is yours. I believe it opens doors for you that might otherwise be left closed. I KNOW for sure, the way you present yourself through the way you speak…whether to possible employers, friends or potential lovers, often times makes a huge difference in your life or the paths you end up traveling.

I will admit to being “somewhat” of a grammar snob. I’m not sure if it’s the teacher in me, or if I became a teacher to try to improve my little corner of the world where I can…but I will often look at the way someone communicates before I let them too close to me. The constant misuse of words or misspelling of things like “there” and “their” or “your” and “you’re” drives me absolutely nuts. I realize that no one has perfect grammar, even me (stop laughing!! I’m perfect in other areas!)…but if someone obviously takes no care in how they express themselves, I know myself and know that either consciously or unconsciously, I’ll end up distancing myself from them so I don’t start correcting them. (which I still do on occasion when I just can’t stand it anymore)

Beyond that, if you have an interesting vocabulary, it’s just plain sexy. The “art” of flirting is slowly dying. No one takes the time anymore to practice verbal seduction or to use double entrendres that are meant to convey more than one meaning in conversations, either casually or with a more intense intent. Everything seems to be rapidly moving to the obvious, in-your-face type of communication, that frankly tends to leave me cold. Now granted, there ARE times when graphic, raw words are hot…times when they can and are used to enhance situations or to heighten the senses. I too, like to employ those words and phrases. They are not however, over-used in my world. When I utter something in this manner, it’s because I mean business…because they drive the point (so to speak) home with great gusto.

Word play. Some words have texture.  They convey depth just from their mere use. I have so many favorite words. I love to write. I compose everything from love letters, to short stories, to erotic tales. I find great pleasure in putting words together in a way that paints a picture in another person’s imagination when they read them. There are some words that are innocent enough on their surface, but when used can bring to mind images of much more.

You can write that you are  “eating a strawberry”…or instead, you can be about to “savor a succulent, ruby red, ripe strawberry dripping with juice”. (I love the word “succulent”) Some words are so rich and full of potential. They can bring more than one thing to mind when used. You can be “interested” in someone, or “immersed” in them. You can “think” about someone all the time, or instead, you’re “consumed” by the mere thought of them. The difference in what comes to mind is amazing depending on the word or phrases used. The meaning can still be totally innocent, but the possibility of more is there. It makes the mind wander or wonder. It engages the soul and captures the attention of whomever it’s directed at.

Learn to play with your words (ummmm…extra hint here…playing with your food can make for some pretty lively communication too, especially when naked, but that is a subject for another day). Make your conversations interesting. Practice the lost skills of seduction and flirting. If nothing else…try to learn a new word every few days that you can work into a conversation. Use these new skills not only with lovers or partners, but with friends or people at work. You’ll find that people start to look at you differently. Stretch your language skills. Take a few chances…pay attention to your grammar or the way you express yourself.

You might just be surprised at the changes that come your way or in the people that start to pay attention to you that might not have before. If nothing else, you might just have some fun along the way. Employ the flirting in the bedroom or over a romantic dinner.

In the new age of online interactions, don’t be so ridiculously obvious. Don’t come (cum) up to a total stranger online or on a dating site flashing all your goodies (or in the case of many of you, your shortcomings or goods WAY past their expiration date) with an accompanyingoh, so attractive offer of…Wanna F*CK?? Trust me, anyone that takes you up on that right off the bat, is either desperate or challenged in some way. Take a little time, “try” to act as if you might be interested in more than seeing their tits or penis…you never know, you just may find something special. Everything doesn’t have to be serious, but you don’t have to treat potential “conquests” as trivial, disposable objects either. By all means, do NOT lie, but at the same time…don’t be a goober or an insensitive bore either. Learn to use your WORDS!

So boys and girls, go ahead and play amongst yourselves. Whisper something sweet and suggestive either figuratively in prose or by way of the spoken word. Lean in close and take a chance with a well placed clever hint or amusing play on words. Be a rebel. Dare to be intriguing and beguiling. Practice your skill, hone your talent…tantalize and tease…tempt and be tempestuous. Learn how to leave something up for interpretation, leave them guessing as to the possibilities of what could be. Paint vivid, full pictures in the imaginations of those you meet and interact with. At the very least, don’t be predictable, dare to stand out from a very large crowd.

 Put at least the same effort into the manner of your contact with others that you would in choosing your next car or place to live.  In these times where we are depending more and more on electronic modes of socializing with others rather than engagaing in face-to-face interactions that are more vibrant and alive, albeit more work, language skills are even more important.  Don’t be left in the dust. Have the courage to be remarkable and don’t settle for being a pale verision of what you could be.  One more in a herd of those being left behind and losing their basic language skills.

Trust me, we’ll ALL thank you for it.

 

Reality, The Final Frontier

 

Common Sense has been dying a slow death in our society for years.  However, with growing pressures attacking us from all sides in recent times and economic woes escalating, the slide for those not able to face simple reality in many areas of their lives appears to be on the rise at an alarming rate.

The time has come to try and let a little common sense start to creep back into our lives, even if it’s bit by bit.  It’s time to learn to cope with the new realities in all our lives and with the changes that are here to stay in the world around us all.  It’s a matter of survival and is vital to any sense of happiness and well being we can hope to have. 

Progress toward finding contentment has to begin by paying attention to the ways in which we look at and handle our relationships with others.  Many basic life skills and truths are being abandoned or sacrificed in modern times in favor of wearing blinders to avoid large areas of real life.  That avoidance only serves to ensure we don’t actually have to deal with the emotions or reality present in our lives.  Real change can only begin when you come to the realization that no one can make you happy, but YOU.  To depend on someone else for your sense of self or put the responsibility on others to make yourself happy, is a recipe for disaster.  Happiness by default is an ultimately unattainable goal to reach for.

 

In your life, there will come a time when you have to admit a few things to yourself…if you dare.

 

The sheer force of your will is not enough to cause life around you to always be as you think it should be or in your comfort zone. You can only do what YOU can do in situations, both in your life or in events that concern you.  Ultimately you cannot make anyone else do the things you think they should or the things you need for them to do for your peace of mind. You cannot control everything around you all the time. There will be situations in which you have to trust enough and go with your gut feeling and/or let someone else take the lead, even if you believe it’s not the shortest path to where you need to go or you can’t see the outcome from the beginning. You WILL fail from time to time.  Deal with it and learn to do it gracefully when needed. If you don’t fail, at least now and then, it stands to reason you’re not playing fair somewhere along the line. 

Even someone that loves you or that you love with all your heart, will at times disappoint or hurt you. It’s up to you to decide what you do about it and whether the hurt is a temporary and sometimes necessary curve in the journey, or whether it’s a detour that won’t ever lead to where you want to be. If the person is truly important to you and your life, weigh these choices carefully before you act. Some bridges can never be recrossed once they are traveled over. There will be times though, when enough is enough. Learn to tell the difference.

Not every day will be a good one. Some days will swing from the highest highs to the lowest lows with remarkable speed simply because of an unexpected phrase or thoughtless comment expressed from someone you trust, love or depend on. These comments are probably not thought twice about, much less ever meant to upset you. Try to remember that hurt feelings are not fatal.

Remember when someone acts in ways that confound or confuse you out of the blue, that they might in fact be coming from a place of fear in themselves and their behavior is a protective measure on their part. Don’t always make it about yourself. Stop to consider what else may be going on beneath the surface and why. Also stop to remember why they are in your life in the first place and that you want them there for a reason.

Tell or show people how important they are to you often, just because, and don’t expect the same in return or be hurt if the people around you don’t bestow on you the same courtesy and thoughtfulness. Love and respect can’t be mandated or scheduled for others by you. Love is, at times, only a silent player much like the wind…some days it’s a gale, some days a mere breeze. You can still feel it in every fiber of your being without repeated flashy demonstrations of it’s existence. Learn to appreciate all the subtle nuances of it’s presence as well.  Those nuances are just as precious, sometimes even more memorable.

People love and express love in their own unique, individual ways. None of these ways are perfect, nor can they be judged as right or wrong. Just because someone doesn’t love you exactly the way YOU want them to, it doesn’t mean they aren’t giving you all they are capable of giving. If it’s not enough for YOU, it is then your problem, not theirs. Only you can decide to walk away or not at that point. Don’t get involved with someone expecting to change them or for them to change for you.  Females, as a group, are notorious for this belief.  They then wonder why they are always searching for more.

Whether you consider yourself religious, spiritual or a freak of nature that is on this Earth by mere coincidence of atoms colliding…the Good Book still has some common sense rules of humanity to live by. Treat others as you’d like to be treated, don’t always envy what someone else has and don’t take for granted the good things in your own life..are three of the most important ones to hold close and put into practice.  Karma, fate or destiny (whatever you choose to call it) will indeed come full circle if you choose to tempt it too many times. Don’t cry over spilt milk and never make the mistake of assuming that getting said milk without ever any commitment to the cow will be without consequences.

Bottom line, growing up is not for the faint of heart, neither is maturity. Courage, responsibility and honor are not givens in your character, but are instead developed in the way you choose to live your life and how you treat others.

Try not to be trivial or sleaze your way through life.  Decide to make a difference where you can, while you can. Make your mark on this world instead of being like gum on the bottom of someones shoe.

If these simple common sense concepts are too much for your meager brain to handle or for your corrupt soul to fathom, then trust me…you won’t care for much I have to say if you press me or act like a stupid juvenile when you’re supposed to be all grown up (in years anyway). Playing dumb or trying to be “cute” all the time without ever being real, wears thin very quickly. Have some substance, purpose and backbone in all that you do, even during play.

~Kath

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~The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed the change. Happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.~

Thursday’s Totally Tawdry, Tacky, Titillating & Tempting Tidbits

 

 

It’s a rainy Thursday here in Georgia and as I peruse the latest headlines, it seems as if absurdity is, as usual,  running rampant.  What would we do without a little comic relief to make the world a little more interesting place to live in? 

Remember, the truth IS truly stranger than fiction!!  (or as we say in the South, “You can’t make this sh*t up!!)

 

One of my favorite stories this week comes from Florida.  A woman called 911 in a panic.  Apparently she locked herself INSIDE her car and was starting to get “all woozie and stuff” because it was hot and she couldn’t get out.  According to her, the car wouldn’t start and nothing electrical would work!!

I give kudos to the emergency operator for being able to handle this potentially tragic situation without collapsing from laughter.  She managed to guide the poor soul through manually unlocking her door and the woman was able to escape the death trap of her own car!!  Crisis averted!  Start the blonde jokes now, regardless of the color of her hair.

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A totally “normal” gentleman in Britain was caught naked at a beauty spot with a flashlight stuck up his rear. told cops he was DEPRESSED.  Herbert Boothroyd, 61, said he had wanted to “cheer himself up”.  (UP being the operative word)  As two women passed, he continued cheering himself UP and waved hello.  He later also exposed himself to two teenage boys as he sat completely naked on a park bench.  Mr. Boothroyd was spared jail time however, because the police say he came clean about having the flashlight and stick up his backside, citing depression as he confessed to his transgressions.  He got probation for 2 years and was ordered to attend a sex offenders group. 

Personally I think he should have been banned from hardware stores as well.  He seems to take the term “hardware” to a whole ‘nother level of interpretation.  Something like a kid in a candy store perhaps?  No telling what he might find to relieve himself next time he’s a bit down in the dumps.  (pun intended)

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Back we go to Florida for another sign of the dumbing down of society in general.  In the town of Umatilla, a 37 year old woman was arrested after being accused of beating her 69 year old boyfriend in the head while he was in the shower.  According to the police report, the boyfriend was taking a shower at the Umatilla home when Sandy Jo ripped the shower curtain off the rod and began screaming at him, accusing him of having an affair with another woman.  He didn’t report the incident for a couple of days (ummm..perhaps because he had been beaten up by a girl AND caught having an affair??)  As she was taken off to jail, Sandy Jo said she should have hit him harder and was going to get even with him for cheating AND for having her arrested.

I’m betting Viagra had a little something to do with a 69 year old male not only playing house with a psychotic 37 year old, but also feeling cocky enough to bump boots with another woman as well.  Moral of the story?  Don’t come home drinking and cheatin’ with lovin’ on your mind!  (Or take a shower without an armed guard)

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 It seems as if there has to be a condition or acronym for everything these days.  Apparently it’s not good enough anymore to be a nymphomaniac, now you have PSAS or as it’s more commonly known, Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome.  Men, I’m sorry, you can’t claim this syndrome, it’s exclusively a woman thing (as if we need one more thing!)  Of course, I’m sure men everywhere will now try to benefit and form support groups to “comfort” and be there for any woman afflicted with this condition.  Y’all are good like that.

This alarming condition (that wasn’t “discovered” until 1991?)  is one that causes some women to live perpetually at the brink of orgasm.  I saw it described as absolutely “nightmarish”,  I guess by the women, but I suppose the men that had to service them might find it a bit taxing at times too.  I have a hard time thinking that the men would describe it as a nightmare..maybe a dream cum true instead?

Two thoughts come to mind…well, to MY mind anyway. 

One,  maybe the men that take Viagra and have the dreaded erections that last for more than 4 hours (or priapism) should be matched with women that “suffer” from PSAS.  Problem solved. 

Two, if you have this condition, I’d buy stock in the Dollar Tree.  Just the “up” surge in battery sales from taking care of this would ensure a massive rise in their bottom line!   In both cases, my ideas would at the very least keep  everyone going and going and going! 😉

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The much maligned Washington, DC school districts are not doing their own image any good.   They just can’t help shooting themselves in the foot.  Oh wait though, aren’t guns outlawed in DC?  I digress, back to the school system.

The school board came out this week with new tougher guidelines for the school dress code.  They REALLY mean it this time too!  Are they bringing in school uniforms?  Oh no!  Hats, see-through clothes and accessories with protruding metal spikes are some of the items that are prohibited in the expanded policies. The new policy does NOT however, allow officials to suspend students who do not comply.   Boy, that’s a policy with bite huh??

They did also say that school officials should be prepared to provide extra clothes for those that cannot afford new ones.  It specifies that it should be “gender neutral” clothing. 

Personally I’m thinking if anyone wears clothes with metal spikes or that is see through, they should be REQUIRED to wear gender opposite clothing and be on display.  A day of cross dressing just might make them think twice about their outfits in the future.   On second thought, with today’s teenagers, it might start a trend.  Never mind.

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With the world economy in the state it’s in, this story is absolutely “heartwarming” to those of us with college age kids.   Colleges in the South have always been notoriously competitive.  Everyone knows that you don’t mess with the SEC when it comes to college football!! 

Alabama and Auburn are fighting for the title of most likely to raise tuition this year. 

Auburn trustees announced that they spent $500,000 this fiscal year to fly administrators and trustees on their TWO private corporate jets to wherever the heck they flew them to. (Important football games and such I’m sure) 

Alabama couldn’t quite match their feat.  They only have one jet (must be because football probation cut into their income the past few years), so they were only able to waste…ummmm, spend…30,500 in travel and their trustees were rarely on board for any flights.

These are two universities we are trusting to turn out the future fiscally responsible leaders for the coming years.  With these stellar examples being set by their bastions of higher education, what could go wrong??

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 Last but certainly not least, a little advice for the men from a couple of newly completed studies that have recently published their results.  (I can’t believe our tax money actually pays for some of this)  Okay, here we go…

First..if you’re bald, there is now proof that you aren’t scoring as often as your counterparts with hair.  MEN with a full head of hair are five times more likely to get a date than those who are thinning on top, a study shows. 

This study was conducted by posting identical profiles on an online dating site where the only difference was the photo of the male.  One photo showed a male with a full head of hair, the other with the same male sans hair.  Over the next two months, the profile with hair received 108 replies, while the bald counterpart only had 22 responses.  An expert in such things has suggested that it might be attributed to the fact that hair is associated in nature and history with virility.  (think Samson in the Bible)  Take it with a grain of salt (or a wig)

Study #2 pertains to a sense of humor.  Having trouble getting the ladies to fall into your bed?  Try cracking a few jokes!!  I kid you not!!! (nudge, nudge…get it??). 

It has been shown and allegedly proven (at least a time or two) that funny men laugh ladies into bed because they’re seen as ‘more intelligent’.  A study has found that a sense of humor “makes men seem more intelligent, trustworthy, and a better bet for a relationship”.  Imagine that! 

Personal ads were drawn up for the study and women were asked to rate them and choose the men they would most likely answer or want to date.  The men that showed a sense of humor in their ads were rated as more intelligent, despite the fact that the ads contained no clues as to their IQ.  They were also seen as more honest and better material for a relationship and for friendship.

 

So, in closing…I conclude that all is not lost for anyone that might be starting to thin on top or be completely bald.  The answer is obvious!  If you’re not getting laid, rent some 3 Stooges videos and brush up on your yuck (as in HA, HA) factor. (as opposed to an actual yuck, stalkerish or unfaithful qualities of course, those personality quirks just might get you arrested or beaten up by your girlfriend rather than laid ..reference story #1)  I’m thinking that sense of humor would trump the bald study thingy hands down.  Problem solved for all!

 Hmmmm…maybe I should receive a grant for doing a remarkably exhaustive “study” and giving such sage excellent advice that solves all of our dating woes!!  After all, I’m worth it! 

 

This concludes our Thursday Totally Tawdy, Tacky, Titillating & Tempting Tidbits for this week. 

A Stupid Person’s Guide to Online Flirting 101

A Stupid Person’s Guide to Online Flirting 101

 

(Disclaimer: Not meant for the Habitual Collector of Conquests…Players Are On Their Own When It Comes To Making Total Fools of Yourself and Others)

 

Flirting has apparently become a lost art. While it’s true that some still appreciate and know how to employ the subtle nuances and intricate dance of approaching someone in a flattering and intriguing manner, of knowing that less is indeed more…it appears more and more as I look around, that flirting is quickly approaching being added to the endangered relationship quality control list. Admittedly..flirting, if done correctly, is a little more difficult. It takes time and thought to actually summon up some imagination, rather than to act like a lounge lizard or truck stop Sally in heat sweet talking as many potential play buddies as you can at one time in the hopes that possibly ONE of them might swallow your lines.

This applies to both women and men. While it’s true, a lot of men would be receptive to a woman offering themselves to them, the old adage is also true. Men do indeed love to date fast women, but when it comes to taking them seriously for anything long term, most will still pick someone that can be a tiger in the bedroom, but one that can be a lady when needed in public. Many women seem to equate a man’s interest in sleeping with them as true love.

I’m sorry to burst your passion bubble, and this really applies to men and women both as well, but having sex with someone and expecting them to fall madly in love with you simply BECAUSE you’ve shared your body with them, is doing the whole relationship thingy backwards and is totally unrealistic. While I’m sure some of you ladies can indeed suck the chrome off a trailer hitch or that you gentlemen are literal non-stop jackhammers of passion, after the sex is over, there has to be more there. You might ACTUALLY have to talk to the other person or deal with life issues.

So, here are a few suggestions at online flirting do’s and don’ts…in no particular order.  There are also a few embedded comments in bold that I’ve actually received over time from those that are under the illusion that they might be Don Juan reincarnated.  Suffice it to say, none of them elicited more than an eye roll.  Trust me, some of this I couldn’t make up if I tried.

 

1. The first key to successful flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like someone. If your ‘target’ knows that you find him or her interesting and attractive, he or she will be more inclined to like you. The wrong way to do this is to send a message such as “you so hot love to poor warm fudge all over you yum I like to add you to my friends list so we can chat.” Now while the warm fudge sounds appealing if you’re offering to buy me ice cream..coming from a total stranger, it will just make most roll their eyes or laugh outloud. 

 

2. Effective flirting really is a skill that requires you to be confident without being over the top. If you overstep your boundaries, it’s very likely that the lady will think that you are “slimy”. If you hold back, it’s probable that she’ll find you “wimpy”. Ladies, the line that you’re walking should be somewhere between “slutty” and “nun like”. Aim for the middle ground. Do not begin contact with someone new by sending them a lovely picture of your meat mallet or love pillows and expect anyone that isn’t pay-by-the-hour, ripe for sexually transmitted diseases, or looking for the affection (insert potential stalker here) they were denied as a child to respond in a serious manner. Do not get offended if there are those that instead of ignoring you, point out your shortcomings or sag-ability factor. You asked for it.

 

3. Ooze confidence (and no other bodily fluids). Successful flirts have a positive outlook on life. You need to transmit that “feel good” factor. No one wants to pay attention if you’re always screaming that the sky is falling or that someone peed on your parade.

 

4. Don’t be rude. Flirting does not give you the right to be sexually explicit nor does it mean that you should take offense if your target doesn’t respond favorably to you. If they isn’t interested in your particular way of wooing, save yourself the trouble and move on to your next prospect. If you find that you’re receiving many rejections, you will want to reconsider your approach. Bottom line is, if you wouldn’t say it in real life to someone of the opposite sex, it’s not appropriate or appealing online simply because you’re pulling out your male whore or female slut side and letting it rule and you think it doesn’t count because you’ll probably never see them face to face. Or if you do end up bumping uglies, that you’d never have to see them again.

 

5. Sincerely compliment something that interests you about them. If you are truly interested in someone, there will be something nice that you can find to say and mean it without using empty words. This is an example of one such approach that starts out okay (for the most part), but then crashes and burns in a spectacular. “My name is Clint. I’m not sure how to say this but Ill just do what I always do, speak my mind.. I think you are a very sensual and sexual Lady. I don’tmean to be vulgar or offend you in any way but d*mn babe I would so love to taste you. Have a great day.”

 

Take note…apologizing before or after an inappropriate comment is like closing the barn door after the horse has already been knocked up…not worth much. An apology for saying something you already know is wrong is just stupid and shows that you have no concept of what is appealing or not to the opposite sex.

While we’re on the subject, it’s probably also not a good idea to mention your spouse (wife or husband) in a complimentary message to someone you want to impress. For example…”i wish my wife had a body like you let me say you have a fit body i think you exercise every day.” *rolling my eyes* (See “being a sleeze” above)

 

 

6. When you decide to flirt or flat out present yourself to someone new as one that might be interesting or of worth, find a spell-checker or get someone that has a passing relationship with grammar to proof-read it for you. Nothing is less appealing than appearing to be ignorant, whether you really are or not. An example…”Eyes closed:-$,heart beating fast8-}…..arms trightly held around ur body pressed mine…>:D<….slowly gently ur sweet lips brush with mine:-*:x:x“.

Bonus tip: Try to actually spell out words without using chat abbreviations and remember if you’re not talking on messenger, those “cute” little emoticon things just look ridiculous if typed out in a message…especially coming from a total stranger.

 

 

7. While I know it’s tempting and fairly easy, especially online, to find one babe/hunk you like and then go through their entire list  of friends, putting the same smarmy comment on every hot person’s page you see and begging them to add you because THEY are the one…the epitome of everything you find attractive in a potential conquest…it’s just not very smart and makes you look lazy and/or insincere! *gasp!!* I know, I know…it’s hard to believe that ANYONE online wouldn’t be totally sincere with each and every syllable typed, but yes, I hear it does happen. Not that I’VE personally ever seen it, maybe it’s an urban legend, right along with the fact that pigs don’t fly and that sarcasm isn’t a form of communication and conveys true feelings. If you must go through lists, mining for your targets, at least be original when you post comments. I know it’s hard to believe, but your victim, “might” actually notice a pattern.

 

 

8. Humor IS sexy. Not just the forwarding of jokes, but things that show you have a personality or the ability to laugh at yourself. Humor and flirting go hand in hand, just like peanut butter and jelly. You can’t have one without the other. If you’re too intense all the time, that’s a red flag, not a sign of your devotion.

I, of course, am the exception to this rule. After I had to put to rest that NASTY online rumor that I was FUN or that I had a sense of humor (can you imagine someone saying such things about me??) a few weeks back, I can’t afford to have that misconception get started again!! I mean imagine, me?? Fun??? Just ask the Yankee. *wink*

 

 

9. Don’t try so hard. There are times when hard is a good thing *wink*..but when you’re flirting, that’s not it. Men or women, when trying to crawl over each other to outslut each other with comments or pictures, just shows that you must be lacking in one or more areas of your life. While I know the reasons some give on here for using fake pictures, none of them hold water. I don’t care if you are worried about someone stealing your picture, put one up of your face that’s not anything you’d be ashamed of someone you know seeing, then if someone uses it, so the hell what? The world will still be spinning tomorrow. It’s just not that big of a deal unless you make it a big deal. Of course, some want the attention of crying foul and getting sympathy.

If you’re butt ugly, but speaking as if you’re God’s Gift to the opposite sex, that’s just false advertising. If you’re that ashamed of yourself, then retreat back into real life and quit leading people on.

The “I have an important job and/or don’t want to take the chance of compromising myself” or “I’ll send it privately because I don’t want anyone to see me” excuse is just pathetic. First of all, you’re just not that important. Secondly, the FBI may indeed wander through here, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll catch their eye unless you’re a 10 most wanted, in which case, your picture is already displayed at the Post Office. I hear these excuses and automatically think…married or hiding from something/someone or a coward.

Obviously I don’t think that tasteful sexy pictures are a bad thing or a bad way of flirting, just remember the basic guidelines…less is more..always leave ’em wanting more, discretion is a good thing, and imagination is always more sexy than the in your face plopping of the boob=age or sausage up front like the blue plate special of the day. That leaves no room for building anticipation and you may just find that first sight is more than enough to make someone positive you’re NOT the “one” from the unattractive appearance of your pride and joy(s).  Oh, it might be wise to remember that it’s possible your boss, parents, children, or neighbors just might end up seeing more of you than you’d intended.

 

 

10. You only get one chance to make a first impression..make it a good one. Ask questions to show your interest that don’t include wanting to know the size of their ummmmmm…hands or feet…or how many midgets could fit in their bra. (trying to guess cup size for a prize, does not count as a good question).

Use respect and manners. If you wouldn’t approach a total stranger face to face and ask or say something, assume it’s probably not going to get you laid or make you into an instant sex symbol here either unless you find someone that is willing to play you as well. In that case, as long as there is full disclosure on both sides of the intention to bat each other around like mice in heat, by all means…proceed with my blessing. Use each other until someone easier comes along.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all. Contrary to popular belief, insulting someone to get their attention is probably not the best form of foreplay. I could be wrong though, there are many kinky things that appeal to the masses these days that I’m obviously not privy to, nor do I want to be.

 

 

I was going to stop at 10, but here’s one Bonus…

11. When attempting to flirt…do not…I repeat, DO NOT, bug the sh*t out of someone with a million messages. If they reply politely to one with a nice “no thank you”, then don’t continue to pursue them. It makes you look like a stalker and just isn’t very flirty. There isn’t much in this life worse than a pest. This will start to fall into the annoying category if continued. In that case, the “stalkee” has every right to abandon all manners and let you have it with both barrels rather than with what you’re asking for. Persistence in the face of some expression of interest, is okay. Sometimes people don’t pay attention right away. When persistence turns to obsession, then it’s pretty much a turn off. (or a felony) While one message is good, 50 is NOT more better. (yes, I DID write it that way on purpose, for effect…geez)

 

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Flirting is what makes love or the possibility of love/lust/friendship exciting…whether you’re married and flirting with a spouse, harmlessly flirting with a friend or single and looking. The ability to flirt is the single most important love life skill that every person needs to master. When you are a true Flirt at heart, you can have the love life of your dreams for the rest of your life.   Or you may simply get to experience some smiles and enjoy the inner workings of someone else’s personality and thought processes. To some flirting comes naturally. To others, it’s a bit more work and effort to pull it off. The rewards are worth it. Slow down and TRY to use a little common sense and imagination.

~Kath~

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~All really great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction.~ Marya Mannes

Thursday’s Typically Tawdry, Tacky & Tempting Tidbits

 

Totally random thoughts from my Thursday…a few news stories worthy of mention (and ridicule).  My mind tends to see the world a little differently at times.  And away we go…the best of today’s wacky and bizarre…

 

At last!! Men everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief with bathing suit season fast approaching!! Remember that episode of Seinfeld when George Costanza is changing out of his swimsuit, and a girl he’s interested in accidentally walks in and laughs, because he’s suffered a little post-pool shriveling? “Shrinkage”…the age old problem where guys worry about their manhood looking less than impressive after taking a swim might finally be solved. Enter the “Rooster Booster”…a $25 Lycra bathing suit with a pocket in the crotch where a guy inserts a breathable foam padding. The manufacturer claims it not only guards against shrinkage, it also keeps a man warm in a spot where he never wants to feel ice cold. It did not say whether or not it solved the age old question of “does this suit make my butt look big?”. 

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Teachers want to be allowed to carry guns in school?? Ummmm, HELLO!!…half of us are PMS’ing at the same time and most of the time should have a Valium salt lick in the teacher’s lounge just to get through the day and now some teachers want to pack heat? (btw, I prefer to cause heat, not pack heat) Does anyone else see a problem with this? It WOULD however, put a whole new spin on time out or 5 minutes on the fence. Parents get pissed off if we take recess away, imagine what they’d do if we started shooting up the school. Why, we might REALLY get fussed at then!! *rolling my eyes* Not to mention that most of us can’t see straight without our reading glasses, we’d be shooting each other or our own foot!

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As the mother of a teenaged daughter who is, of course, immersed in the “Twilight” hoopla, I found this little tidbit to be funny.  After stories spread that vampires were strolling the campus of Boston Latin School, the headmaster of the prestigious college-prep school put a stake in the rumors. Lynne Mooney Teta sent a notice out Thursday to faculty, students, and parents denying the presence of bloodsuckers. She declined, however, to offer details about the rumors.  Boston Police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said police were called to the school Wednesday after hearing of the vampire tales. Chrispin said he didn’t know if the alleged vampires were among the student body or hiding in old corners of the building.

The school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, Louis Farrakhan, and Sumner Redstone.  Hmmmm…Louis Farrakhan AND Ben Franklin??  Maybe given that Farrakhan attended the school, perhaps they mistook vampires for little green men.  I do find it hilarious that the police actually investigated the allegations..probably to appease anxious parents that didn’t want all that private school tuition to go to waste!

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In a new survey released recently, it has been discovered that those over 50 are more likely to have sex on the first date than those under 40. We needed a survey to tell us this?? It further went on to say that half of the older age group rated lust and passion as MORE important than marriage. Nearly 40 per cent of over-50s would sleep with a partner on a first meeting compared with just 18 per cent of under 40s. The under 30s may feel they invented sexual liberation, but it was the baby-boomer generation that staged the first summer of love..more than 40 years ago. Let the good times roll! Could this be one reason “use it or lose it” cums to mind? *wink*

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Scientists now say a crappy marriage can be bad for your heart. Personally, I think it’s pretty bad for your libido, penis or tunnel of love as well. Could explain some of the results of the over 50 sex on the first date thingy too, don’t ‘cha think??

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Children, especially girls, may be more likely to have sex before the age of 14 if they have been verbally abused by teachers, a new study suggests. Researchers found children at elementary school who were shouted at, harshly criticized or embarrassed by teachers in the classroom had an increased risk of early sexual intercourse. (Tell me again, why we pay for all these “valuable” studies??) Okay, so it now appears that there is yet one more thing you can blame on teachers. If your daughter (or on occasion, a son) turns out to be a slut..it’s the TEACHER’S fault..it certainly couldn’t be attributed your bad parenting or lack of attention to your child. Next they will want us to pay child support if their little darlin’s end up getting pregnant as teens. Lord knows, teachers should be the ones building up their self-esteem, not their actual parents. To hell with learning…instead, let’s cut all that silly stuff out in favor of taking tests that induce only stress and don’t really measure learning, coddling their egos and raising the kids everyone else has. THAT’S what going to college for those education degrees was really for..becoming pseudo parents and babysitters!

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Do you know there is an actual official National Mistress Day?  It’s the day that straying husbands and boyfriends set aside for the ‘other woman’.  Aptly, it falls on February 13th, the day before the national Hallmark conceived day of romance, Valentine’s Day.  SO, it seems the mistresses get ahead (so to speak 😉 ) of the wives once again and sneak in first for a little romance.  Learn something new every day!  I wonder if there’s a special greeting or thank you card especially for the occasion?

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A minor league baseball team is going to offer a 4,800 calorie hamburger as part of it’s stadium fare this season.  The pot belly behemoth extravaganza weights a whooping 4 pounds and consists of:  5 beef patties, 5 slices of cheese, a cup of chili, salsa, and corn chips slathered on an eight inch sesame seed bun.  This wonderful example of gluttony gone amok will cost the bargain price of $20.  If you have the courage (or stupidity) to try and down this big boy all by yourself in one sitting, you receive a special t-shirt…One that you can wear in the ambulance as you are stroking out and on the way to the hospital!!

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The news was released earlier this week during the launch of the Space Shuttle, that the first Japanese astronaut to live aboard the International Space Station will be doing an important scientific experiment, the likes of which have never been imagined before.  Koichi Wakata will be testing a new brand of stink free underwear!!  Let’s hope for the sake of everyone aboard the station, that this experiment is a success or phew wee!!  Just think of the implications gentlemen!  All that silly stuff about doing your laundry or doing the “sniff test” on things to find out how many more days you can get out of your unmentionables…you’ll always be as fresh as a daisy!  Now, if they can just do something about that little skid mark problem that men tend to have and overlook as they grunt and pound their chests.

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And to almost end up my mental ramblings of the bizarre day…it seems that ovulating strippers receive larger tips. It appears that women subtly signal when they are most fertile, although just how they do it is not clear. In the case of lap dancers, I’m guessing the extra “umph” in their gyrations just might trigger the bigger tips..along with triggering other things.  

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Last, but certainly not least…A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison. With a car wash vacuum?  Seriously???  Good heavens, I don’t think I can use them to clean out my car again without pulling on rubber gloves.  Safe sex indeed.   Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing. (oh really, ya think?)  The 29-year-old from Michigan, was sentenced Wednesday at Saginaw County Circuit Court.  Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.  Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity (I’d say having your love sword stuck in a vacuum hose just might be a TAD suspicious) at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.  I’m guessing that the 90 days in prison might bring a different kind of gratification for Mr. Savage.  

 

 

Okay..I’m done for now. Feel free to carry on with whatever you were doing. If this had been a real emergency of an over-abundance of stupidity taking over the world (yet), you would have been directed where to go and what to do. *grin*

 

Personally, I think we need to be doing the “Here’s your sign” a bit more often.  There seems to be an increasing lack of common sense amongst us.  The inmates are taking over the asylum. 

You Can’t Hurry Love

 

As the song says, “Will you still love me tomorrow?”

The answer to that question will always be a resounding NO if you insist on hurrying through the process of failing in love or settle for less than what trips your trigger.

What do you want?  Easy and sleezy or long and lasting?  It’s up to you.

I know this will come as a great shock, but I’m no expert on love. Lord knows, even at my age, I still find I have much to learn when it comes to something that is, according to the powers that be, supposed to be naturally occurring phenomenon.

Visit any bookstore and you’ll find there are aisles and aisles of books devoted to love and all its possible outcomes and consequences. Books that tell you how to find your soul mate, how to make sure you’re irresistible to them by re-inventing yourself, how you should feel and how to manipulate a potential mate into acting the way you think they should act…crowd each aisle.

Then there are the myriad of books that tell you how to have every sort of sex act imaginable, a few of which are actually possible, and also contain do-it-yourself-er advice for the “handy” men and women amongst us (wouldn’t that be the epitome a “self-help” manual? Just a thought. *batting my eyes*) 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t physical pleasures be something that is effortless with a true mate or someone you love and trust?  WHY do we spend so much money attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole, metaphorically speaking. *wink* If you need a little “pick-me-up”, your own imagination should do just fine without someone else instructing you step by step on how to make a chocolate mold of your stud muffin’s willie simply in order to spice up a love life.  Rely on your own intuition. 

As you progress on to the next aisle, you’ll discover books and advice on how to fix the relationship you’ve already managed to break, neglect or screw up.  You can  continue on and pursue books that also tell you how to find out if the love of your life is cheating on you by putting on your detective hat and trench coat.  Heaven knows, trust is a bygone character trait in our society today. 

Last but not least, comes the section on how to take the person to which you pledged your heart and soul, to the cleaners or exact revenge for whatever pain you’re now experiencing. Who said that romance is dead?? Heck, you can buy the magic spells for guaranteed romance for the bargain price of $19.95 at Books a Million. What a deal!!

Is it any wonder we’re floundering and confused?  If we so called adults are acting like irresponsible teenagers in heat without a clue, heaven help the teenagers we’re responsible for raising and teaching such things.

When I wander around on online, it seems that there are so many people that are determined, come hell or high water, to fall in love. They plan for it. They advertise for it. They bemoan the fact that no one is falling under their spell. They finally decide, after a whole week or two of looking, to settle on something close to what they might actually want in a mate.

We want everything in our lives to be quick and easy..shake and bake. Women hear their clock ticking or don’t want to be labeled as an Old Maid or spinster..and men want to be taken care of or take care of someone to feel vital and not be labeled as “funny” by great aunt Marge when she discusses with the family why you can’t find a bride or have a woman stay with you.

Now keeping in mind that I’ve already confessed to not being Dr. Laura or Dear Abby or Dr. Phil, real love just isn’t that easy to find and can’t be forced into your time frame or specifications. IF you feel the urge coming over you to rationalize what you’re willing to do so that you’re not lonely anymore…get a grip. LOVE shouldn’t be rational. It can’t be arranged or planned for, and if it can be…then again, it’s not LOVE. 

Love is also messy and emotional (isn’t that the point?). You WILL cry over someone that you love. It is guaranteed we will all say or do the wrong thing at some time in a relationship. Ladies, all the platitudes we’re fed like…”No man worthwhile will make you cry” is bunk. Of COURSE worthwhile men will occasionally make us cry (or we’ll do it to ourselves by over-thinking or over-reacting)…if you don’t ever cry or fight or get upset in a relationship, then one or both of you just isn’t fully involved emotionally in said relationship. It’s benign and stagnant and will ultimately leave you bored and dissatisfied or as lonely as when you really were by yourself and alone.  The only difference being, you’re now alone where it counts, on the inside, while pretending to be part of a couple.

There are so many people rushing into real life meetings or falling in love after a couple of long conversations online with a total stranger. I hate to burst your bubble, but that’s not love. It might be the first stirrings of lust or interest, but it sure as hell isn’t love and if you rush into things, it will end badly. What’s the hurry anyway? IF it’s something destined to be important to you both and lasting, time will enhance the connection, not diminish it. You need to learn about the other person, experience them, make sure they are who they say they are. By the same token, you have to learn to not hold back as well…to give them even the parts of yourself you might not be proud of, rather than only showing your good side or what you think they are looking for.

If you don’t know their middle name, their birthday…the names of their children if they have them, where they were born or have heard about their parents or siblings, you don’t know them. Do you know their favorite movies, who gave them their first kiss, the foods they hate or summer jobs they had growing up? Little details that aren’t only lust or physically related, start to round out a person. You need long conversations on the phone so you can hear their voice, the pitch of their laugh…talking about all sorts of subjects from politics to nonsense. You need to not only be focused on finding out what turns them on or the size of their ummm…attributes, but instead find out if you really like the person as well as lust after them.

Yes, attraction is key to a relationship, but it’s just the icebreaker. If you’re looking for more than a quick roll in the hay that hopefully ONLY leaves you upset when it’s over (and without complications such as disease or a stalker or a new addition to the family), dare to look deeper and take your time if you want any chance at a lasting friendship with someone that is also your lover and one day maybe a lifelong partner.

None of us wants or likes to be lonely, it sucks to deal with things on our own all the time, be the fixer, or feel as if the weight of the world is always on our shoulders. We’re all searching for contact with someone that understands us, makes us feel wanted and needed. It doesn’t get any easier with maturity and age, in fact..I think it gets tougher. The players have refined their game by then and it’s hard to tell the good humans from the ones that talk a good game, male or female. Most of us have had relationships that have changed us in some way, at times hurtful ways that leave behind emotional scars that anyone new in our lives will have to understand and find ways over walls we may have built to protect ourselves. We’re more scared to fail or get hurt again. None of this is insurmountable.

Listen to your head and heart, not only your “happy spots” of bodily lust, when you meet someone that makes you take notice. Sex is easy, love takes effort and thought.  Use your brain, but at the same time, let yourself dream of possibilities. When you’ve been hurt, let yourself heal…but don’t close yourself off, none of us can live our lives in a vacuum.

It’s best to wait for the one you want than to settle for the one who’s available. Best to wait for the one you love than settle for the one who’s around. Best to wait for the right one because life is too short to be wasted with the wrong person, hoping they will change into what you want or need…hoping that magic pixie dust will make you happy.

Live, Learn, Love…and have fun doing it.

 

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~True love cannot be defined by any means. It is a cluster of adjectives. It’s crazy, passionate, complicated, painful, but most importantly, true love is real. It’s that feeling of being inexplicably drawn to another person. Love isn’t finding someone who you can escape reality with, it’s finding someone who makes reality worthwhile.~

Are You Good Enough to Eat?

 

Most people tend to associate aphrodisiacs only with food. It’s been long examined and proven through exhaustive studies (with willing volunteers I’m sure) that certain foods will raise our libidos and pique our interest in getting physical.

While I am a firm believer in well, anything that will get things ummm, firm, I also believe we’re disregarding a whole other source of passion and pleasure when it comes to the inducement of cumming. We instead rush to the unimaginative resources that bombard us through the media and porn industry of what romance and arousal should be rather than tapping our own natural resources for inspiration.

There are commercials with catchy jingles about the wonders of Viagra for instant interest and hard-on simply for the sake of performance, regardless of whether or not the person in question actually fans our fire. Sex for sex sake. While a little blue pill technically does get the job done, so to speak.  In taking these shortcuts to instant intimacy and guaranteed performance, we’re missing out on so much of the important part journey that makes it more intense, more fun.

I happen to believe we can all learn to be walking talking aphrodisiacs. It’s not dependent on your looks, but on your imagination and confidence level in who you are.

We’ve all seen them..those people who seem to attract others to them like magnets.  The ones who always seem to have suitors vying for their time and attention, no matter the situation. They are not always the most beautiful people in the room, in fact, many times they are not. So what sets them apart from those around them and gets them noticed? Attraction is an art, but it is also part science..bottom line is, the magnetism you exude is entirely under your own control.

You have to be willing to do a few things. You have to not take yourself so seriously. Will everything you do always turn out like the soaring soundtrack to a romantic movie? Of course not..you have to learn to laugh at yourself, to get over yourself. You will also have to step outside of your own comfort zone at times.

This is one time it is perfectly okay to fake it (fake it now, not later when you have accomplished your goals of heating things up). Put on your confident airs and believe that you can do anything. Fake it if you must until you start to believe your own bravado and sense of self.

Last but not least, it requires a true realization within yourself that you are truly sexy, confident and worth being adored, and worthevery bit of  the attention coming your way. Confidence in yourself is as powerful as any little blue pill or food that you can eat to ensure that you WILL trip someones trigger that you’re interested in.

There are a few things you need to remember and do in your quest to find your inner sex magnet…

Define your own sense and version of what sexy is. It’s different for everyone, so trying to copy someone else just won’t work. Be yourself and be confident in the style you create. There is no one size fits all in the rules of attraction. Find your own niche.

Show an interest in those around you, keep up with current events. Ask questions that show you’re listening, have direct eye contact with those you’re speaking with. If you show interest in learning about someone and that you are more than just a pretty or handsome face, it ups your attraction value greatly.

Learn how to make an entrance. This does NOT mean to always make a spectacle of yourself. Instead, enter a room with your head held high. Make eye contact and smile. Believe that those that are there are glad to see you and say it to yourself until it sinks in and becomes true in your mind.

Have something you’re passionate about and don’t be afraid to express it. In order to be attractive to others, you have to have beliefs or causes that you can express passion over. Passion is SO much more that what comes out of sex. It’s a part of your spirit. Whether it’s an issue you feel strongly about or a hobby that you throw yourself into, you’re more appealing if you’re not one dimensional. Have a favorite author, argue politics if you dare, challenge someone to a game of backgammon or chess.

Exercise and take care of yourself. No, this doesn’t mean running out to join a gym tomorrow. Take pride in your appearance, like it or not, first impressions often are difficult to overcome. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money to do so and it’s important to respect yourself and to let it show. No matter your weight, if you exercise, even just by walking a few more steps a day..it increases your self esteem, boosts your energy AND your libido. It will show from a glow in your face..if you feel healthy, you look healthy. This too, is about attitude in part. Treat yourself and your body with respect and others will too.

Forget the “rules”.Don’t go into a situation with pre-conceived notions of what you should and shouldn’t do. Don’t play games. Go with the flow and enjoy yourself, loosen up. If you feel interest, let the person know it. Don’t expect them to wait on you to return their calls or have to guess if you’re interested or not in them. If you do, don’t be surprised if they aren’t there when you decide to try and reel them in. That doesn’t mean that discretion and flirting go out the window, but by the same token, don’t sabotage yourself either by trying to control the entire situation.

Learn to flirt, don’t dismiss the ever so important nuances of foreplay.Someone that can master the art (and it is an art, albeit becoming a lost one) of seduction is almost unstoppably, unbearably interesting to a partner or potential partner. While the in-your-face take me now approach can be and is fun in an established relationship, in most cases..learning to flirt, even without serious intent, is vital to your appeal-ability..and knowing how to seduce and fan the flames of passion with someone you are in a relationship with is priceless. Whether you are in a long distance relationship as I am or in a long term marriage, know your power. Don’t be predictable.

Be picky, don’t settle. There is nothing worse than the sense that someone will take whatever is available simply in order to scratch an itch or not be lonely. Learn how to like being alone, and when you meet someone that just isn’t quite right…don’t try to talk yourself into them or think you can make them into your ideal partner. When you decide to get down and dirty, it doesn’t have to always be for true love. When that decision is made and the clothes start coming off, it always should be with someone you actually respect and at least like, not just someone you’re in lust with and don’t want to be seen with outside of the bedroom (or restaurant bathroom stall, whatever floats your boat). Not only are one night stands dangerous to your health, it’s truthfully not even close to being the mind blowing sex you can have with someone you know well and know how to arouse.

Accept that you will not always come away with the prize. Yes, I know it’s hard to imagine, but not everyone will find you attractive or be interested in your bubbling confident personality. That’s what makes the world go ’round. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it only means that different strokes for different folks (literally at times *wink*). No one is 100%attractive, 100% of the time, to everyone they meet. Feelings will be occasionally hurt and that’s okay, it’s not fatal. Don’t let it stop you from climbing right back on the horse to ride..so to speak.

Last but not least…Learn how to be sensual. Indulge in your senses…learn to appreciate the life around you. Hug your acquaintances. Enhance your sense of touch, whether out in nature or around the house..feel the texture of life around you. Appreciate the delicious smells that can spark our senses. Taste everything. Learn to dance, slow and close, hear and feel the music surrounding you. Passion and sensuality is not just simply about sweaty naked bodies, it’s something that permeates your entire being.

Cultivate yourself, learn how to become irresistible to those around you…learn how to be fascinating. Before long, you’ll notice a difference in the way others look at you and treat you. Smile often, flirt shamelessly without intent to those you meet, but flirt with pure intent with those that fire your senses.

Before you know it, you will literally be good enough to eat and an aphrodisiac that can’t be found on any grocery shelf or in a pill bottle. You’ll be the definition of pure walking talking sex appeal and available without a prescription..what a concept!

I’m Not Settling For Just Getting By, Are You?

 

I rarely, if ever, listen to the drive time disc jockeys (even though I dated a prominent one here in at Atlanta years ago).  Usually, when they start endlessly talking ad nauseum about some silly subject designed to titillate the masses, I switch to another station or at times even just turn the radio off in favor of a little blessed hard found silence on the drive home.

Today though, on the way home from the airport, one of the local shows hit on a topic that was morbidly fascinating to listen to.  It was a case of not being totally surprised by the subject matter, quite frankly it’s something I’ve addressed many times over the years.  Instead it amazed me that so many people would get on live radio and be brutally honest, no holds barred.  They were taking the chance of hurting those that love them or that were clueless in their relationships by using not only their names, but in having someone hear and recognize their voices.

As I said, the topic was not a surprise.  The DJs asked who amongst us had “settled” in their relationships for someone that was “safe” rather than what we truly wanted.  By safe, they meant someone that we thought would be a good mate or parent, that would most likely never stray but if we’re honest with ourselves, we really have little to no attraction to besides friendship and never will.  They asked who had married someone that they “learned” to have some feelings for, however pale those emotions might be, but that they do not have passion for. 

The phone lines were literally jammed with callers almost eager to tell their tales of passing over the ones that fired their senses for the one that will simply “do”.  While there were plenty of men calling, the women were far more brutal and plentiful in their descriptions of how boring their mates were.  Most also were very honest about their lack of attraction for their partner’s looks and desirability factor.  Even those only married a short time no longer had any great desire to be intimate with their mates.  The spark just isn’t there and wasn’t there to begin with.

It was almost as if the floodgates had been opened and all the people that had been hiding in the shadows with their discontent, now felt free to finally share their deepest secrets with all of Atlanta.  So why do so many people settle and stay in relationships that are not meeting their needs and never will?

Why are we all still here?

Why are we still dealing with it?

What is it that makes us attempt to salvage every shred of our relationships?

Is it attachment? Insecurity? Is being alone so terrible, that we’re settling with unsatisfactory actions or the lack thereof? Can they really love us as much as they say they do and act like such jerks sometimes? (Uninterested, interested in someone else, or only interested in themselves?)

Some of the reasons we settle in relationships and stay in relationships:

1. Security
2. Fear of Change
3. Safety
4. It’s easier to stay in our comfort zone without too much effort required or expected of us
5. Attachment
6. Afraid to be alone
7. Not wanting to disappoint our peers or family and take the chance of being excluded from the “group” and upset the status quo
8. Fear of being seen as the bad guy/gal or appearing selfish
9. What if the next relationship is worse?
10. A sense of Obligation/Responsibility, whether real or imagined

 

Is there a way you are settling for less than you deserve in a relationship? Are you saying a clear “no” to things that do not work for you or the things that are not right for you? Are you afraid of being alone? Afraid you will not have another chance at love? And most of all, do you feel unworthy to have a deeply loving relationship?

Or could it be that having a real adult relationship is too scary and too much work?  Is it too daunting to let someone see that much of yourself and take the chance they might not like what they discover? Are we too afraid to reach for what we want and deserve to have..to live life to the fullest?  Are we becoming a society that is satisfied with apathy and being just “okay” rather than striving for excellence in every area of our lives, personal and professional?

Are YOU settling?  If so, why do you choose to cheat yourself and everyone around you by withholding major parts of yourself or disconnecting from life and not living it to it’s full potential?

Is it ever okay to settle for apathy and merely what we think we can “get” over what we want and need to be TRULY happy in order to live life to it’s full potential? Is that fair to ourselves or for that matter to those we choose to settle for? Are we cheating them out of their chance for happiness as well?

 

What Makes You Stay – Deana Carter from Hope Floats

Look at me
I’m in a place
I never thought I’d be..

Don’t have the strength
To fight anymore
Or a reason not to leave.

So tell me why I still keep holding on
To something I just cannot see.

What makes you stay
When your world falls apart?
What makes you try one more time
When it’s not in your heart.

At the end of your rope
When you can’t find any hope..
You still look at her and say
I just can’t walk away.

Tell me what makes you stay.

I’m not afraid
Of living alone
I was alone before he came.

I’ve been in love
Many times before
But this time’s not the same.

I’ve always been the first to say goodbye
Now it’s the last thing I can do.

What makes you stay
When your world falls apart.
What makes you try one more time
When it’s not in your heart?

At the end of your rope
When you can’t find any hope
You still look at her and say..
I just can’t walk away.

Tell me what makes you stay.

When it goes this deep
And feels this strong,
I can’t convince myself
That this love is wrong.

What makes you stay
When your world falls apart?
What makes you try one more time
When it’s not in your heart?

At the end of your rope
When you can’t find any hope..
You still look at her and say
I just can’t walk away.

Tell me what makes you stay.